it's a 'burg thing

TG

2011-12-04T13:19:00.003-05:00

How was my Thanksgiving?
Very jumbled, very busy, almost too complicated and confusing to sort out.
Just before I walked out of the house to leave for my daughter's, the phone rang.
One of the gang had a clincal emergency at her place, so she may not be home when we get there.
When I walked in the door, the kids were all playing something or other, there were two pie crusts on the counter, and a bowl of apples all ready to be put in them.
I asked one of the girls if the pies were ready to put together and she said we needed to peel two more apples.
We did that and got the kitchen cleaned up and my daughter arrived shortly.

We discussed dinner for the next day and figured out what time to put the turkey on.
They have this cool electric roaster that we all were dying to try out.
It worked out really well, and left us with a lot more oven time and space.
Yes, I want one!

In the morning we baked pies and sweet potato casserole and pumpkin bread.
After stuffing ourselves with food,we had to pack up dinner to take to the hospital and visited there for a couple hours, and then came home and napped.

Then my grandson wanted me to play Starwars Monopoly with him.
He is a Starwars fanatic.
After five hours of play, I won.
He went bankrupt.
I kept telling him to sell me Death Star I and II, but he wouldn't.
I teased him all the next day.

The day after Thanksgiving, I woke up and went to the kitchen.
My grandson was eating cold pizza and drinking cappacino.
My granddaughter, who is ten, was eating Reese Puff cereal, and the leftover corn from yestereday.
Me? I had sweet potato casserole and pumpkin bread.
Then we decided to head to the mall.
Whoa! What a trip that was!

Now when you take a small town girl and put her in a big city mall, it can be quite overwhelming.
First off, I have no sense of direction.
Secondly, I left my cell phone at my daughter's.
Without my phone, I won't be able to find one of any of the seven people I came with, so I better stick tight to someone or I will still be here at Christmas.
Did I mention it was a two story mall?

As soon as we walk in I noticed the noise level!
It sounded like a million birds all chirping at once!
It seemed like there were nine thousand people there.
Now here you must realize that I have not prepared a battle plan.
We are supposed to be Christmas shopping in a mall I have never been in before,
and I don't have any idea what I am getting anyone.
Nor can I think straight with all the noise and people!

With all the chaos and running around, I didn't do too bad for not being a city girl.
I got my two oldest grandsons college sweatshirts at Finish Line.
They were $50 apiece, and I got them both for $40.
The one I spotted cuz it has my grandson's last name on it and I knew he would love it.
The other one I got has the University that my oldest grandson, who is a senior this year, wants to attend.
So I know they will love them!

I have no idea what any one else bought, but nowhere did we find a swimming suit for my 7th grade granddaughter that she will need for school.
I guess she will have to go online for that.
It is my opinon that if you are required to take swimming in school, they should have bathing suits available for sale.

We stopped at Five Below, where I picked up some soft blankets held by stuffed animals for the younger grandkids. I want to get them some pj's to go with them.

We also went to Best Buy.
This is where I almost passed out.
It seemed like we were there forever.
I am not sure what the rest of them were looking for, but while wondering around I found Dance Party 3 for Wii for my ten year old granddaughter.
Earlier that morning while watching cartoons, a commercial had come on for that and she went nuts!
While standing in line with my daughter to pay for it, my stomach began to hurt.
I mentioned that it hurt and then it got worse.
I noticed that up ahead, there was bottled water and I planned on grabbing one on my way to the checkout.
The line was long and moving slow.
I bent over and told my daughter my stomach really hurt and I needed something to drink.
She took one look at my face and told me to go set in the van immediately.
She would go through the line and also get me water.
I went outside and sat on the curb to the parking lot.
I felt weak and had no idea where we parked.
Eventually she came out with my water and Dance Party 3.
I was extremely dehydrated and almost passed out.
I guess eating sweet potato casserole isn't the breakfast of champions.
Plus, we left the house at eleven and now it was almost six and I had had nothing to drink.
I didn't feel thirsty till the last minute.
But this has happened before, you would think I would be prepared.

Then we made one more stop before home.
I stayed in the van with the girls cuz even though I drank all my water, I still was feeling weak.
We had a ball in the van, laughing, giggling, telling jokes and generally picking on each other.

We picked up food on the way home, because after all the shopping we didn't have the strength to make turkey or ham sandwiches.
We still had to go pick up oldest grandson and make a hospital visit and take oldest grandson back to his mother's.

We all went to bed about 9:30 that night.
Exhausted but fairly content.

The next morning I packed up the Blazer and left for home.
But I had one more stop to make.
YS wanted me to go with them to see the Christmas tree displays in their area.
Sixty different trees all decorated with different themes.
I finally got home at 11:30 that night.

Now to get ready for Christmas!

Keeping up the pace

2011-11-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

I have been so very busy lately!
At school, I thought for sure things would slow down to a nice comfortable pace by now, but no!
Every week someone from some department or another adds more things to do to my ever growing lists!
Help!
This week is Thanksgiving week at school and the day after that, I have my State Review.
I'm nervous.
I am not sure what to expect.
I don't have all the things on my list ready.
I am not sure how picky they will be.
Will I do good?
Will I make myself proud?
Will I fail miserably?
On top of everything else, I don't feel well.
I'm getting a cold and I feel achy.
Of all weeks to be coming down with something!
I will just have to forge ahead and plow my through like I always do
and hope for the best.

At the gun shoot two weeks ago, I won a crossbow!
I know!
How COOL is THAT?!?
It is a Parker crossbow, Bushwacker series (in case you want to look it up on the 'net and see how cool it really is).
I bought arrows and tips for it and target practiced at YS.
We all had fun with it and I hit the target pretty good for a rookie, only missing it completely once.
Last week at the gun shoot, YS won a gun.
Not to be greedy, but I hope I can win a gun for OS this week!
It is the last gun shoot of the season so keep your fingers crossed.

I have another cat.
What do you mean, how many does that make me?

Okay...
four.
Four cats, two dogs, two ferrets, and three fish.
The cat appeared on my back porch in early October.
Helped herself to Tawny's food dish.
Decided to stay.
When it got really cold at night, I let her in.
She is now a permanent household member.
I named her Gypsy.

I have been helping my sister get her trailer ready to sell.
For the past month, we have been sorting, packing, cleaning.
Yesterday, she sold it!
It had only been on the market about a week.
She was lucky to sell it so quickly.
I am glad that part is over.
Now I will help her move.
I hope the weather stays decent so we can get all that done.
At least the snow from yesterday is melting now.
The back steps were pretty icy this morning when I let the dogs out.

I have to finish my neverending housework now.
Before I start feeling too yucky.
Or should I say I have to continue working on my housework,
cuz if it is neverending, I don't suppose one can actually finish it, right?

Trying to keep order

2011-10-29T11:04:00.001-04:00

I rarely ask anyone to do anything in particular around the house when I am at work.
But yesterday I asked for someone to please take the garbage to the dump.
We burn the papers out back in the burning barrel which cuts down greatly on how much crap we have to haul to the dump.
The problem with that is, the bags for the dump get so darn heavy, I can hardly lift them into the back of the truck.
So naturally I asked one of the guys to do this for me.

I get home for work and no one is there.
The garbage still hasn't been taken down.
The papers hadn't been burned.
I am thinking I as may as well live alone for all the help I get with things.
So I burned the papers, making two separate trips to do this as there were that many papers to be burned and took the house garbage outside to the can.
I will be going to the dump later this morning IF I can lift the damn bag up off the ground.

I cleaned my fish tank, fed the cats and the birds, took two loads of laundry downstairs and washed two loads that were already down there, emptied the dish washer, and refilled it.
By this time it was time to start dinner and while I was doing that my sister arrived.
Just as we were setting down to eat, my two friends stopped in to visit.
We drank coffee and caught up all of each others news.
Mom news, kid news, work news, new news and old news.

Then I packed lunch for the night worker and my friends left for home.
Just as my sister and I were settling down to watch TV for what was left of the evening my daughter calls.
She always calls me on her way home from work.
I love this as I get to gab with her nearly every day!
How cool is that?!?

I told her that her 2nd mom (my very best friend who has been through it all with me)
is giving her an antique doll crib for her babies.
My daughter collects dolls.
My cats thought for sure that the doll crib was there for them, after all it was a bed, it was small and it happened to be setting directly across from the heater!

We got to talking about dolls and the Ashley Drake dolls in particular.
She said that they have a new Steelers baby out.
I told her that I thought the cutest Steelers baby I ever saw was Ethan(my youngest grandson) when he is dressed in his Steelers outfit.
Now if I remember, I will take a picture of him this Sunday when I go to the gun shoot with my son and daughter-in-law and put that up for you to see.

My sister and I finally got to set down in peace and quiet and watched T.V.
Shortly after she left, I went to bed.
It was after 11 p.m. and I had been up since 5 a.m.

Now today, while everyone is sleeping, I hope to go to the dump, do more laundry, get my meds refilled, sweep, mop, and buy a heater for my fish tank.
Now if I don't get interupted 600 times, I should have all this done so I can enjoy my afternoon!
That is if the the winter storm watch that is in effect for our area doesn't deter my plans!

Possible

2011-10-22T20:07:00.000-04:00

I found this on fantasy deviant art

It is the possibility
that keeps me going
and though you may call me a fool
or any other thing
I believe that
anything
is possible.

lovemelikeyoumeanit

TTFN (lol)

Identifying Venus

2011-10-08T13:48:00.000-04:00

"Venus is a moonless, ringless planet. So though she represents the highly desirable qualities of beauty, romance, poetry and delight, she also represents a quality perhaps even more alluring then those. She is unobtainable. She'll allow no one to "put a ring on it" or interfere with her solitude."

Eddy and Me

2011-06-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, I did go and clean my mother's house
upstairs and down.
I did it Friday
the day my daughter arrived
and the day before my brother arrived.
I guess I just have to get it through my head
that although my sister spends at least three days a week at mom's "visiting"
that she just isn't a cleaner.
So I got mom's house taken care of the way she wanted it
and then went home and bought groceries
put them away
made dinner
did all my floors
and three loads of laundry
before my daughter and the kids came.

It is not that mom is an invalid by any means.
She had already done some painting and wallpapering
grocery shopped, and went on her weekly social activities.
The only thing was, she was so busy
she forgot to keep up on the meds she is supposed to take
and was feeling dizzy.
I am just thankful that she is in fairly good health
and can still drive and get around like she does.

When my daughter comes to visit
she always brings her dogs.
Our dogs get along really well and love to play together.
Now my dog, Foxy
I have taught to chase the woodchucks away from the garden.
She has never caught one
and I'm not sure if she would know what to do
if she did get a hold of one.
Saturday evening we let the dogs out in the backyard
and the next thing I knew Foxy was off and running at top speed towards the garden. The woodchucks were out.
Eddy
my daughter's dog
joined in the chase.
The dogs did get a hold of the woodchucks by the neck
and shook them up quite a bit and dropped them.
They did this a couple of times.
The only thing is the woodchucks got away.
The good thing is
I haven't seen the woodchucks since then.
Meanwhile, our old dog, Callie
is on a rabbit trail.
I don't like them chasing the rabbits
even though they eat in the garden.
I don't want them killing the babies
although on occasion our cat will bring one home.
So the dogs are hot on a rabbit trail now
and discovered a nest under a woodpile in our neighbors back yard.
Eddy and Foxy are going nuts
and I can hear the baby rabbits crying.
The dogs are doing their best
to try to dig under the woodpile.
My daughter and I are trying our best
to grab hold of the dogs.
They keep dashing around one way and then the other
around the lilac trees
and the hauling trailer in the neighbors back yard.
I figure if I wait on one side of the woodpile
and my daughter waits on the other
one of us should be able to grab a dog's collar on their way past us.
Sure enough
here comes Eddy around my side
and I grab his collar.
Sure enough
here goes Itisi
literally flying through the air
propelled by the dog
up over the trailer
and landed on the other side face first on the ground!
As my daughter is frantically saying
"Are you alright? Are you alright?"
I roll over and say
"Do I have mud on my nose?"
as I am reaching in front of me to put my glasses back on my face.
Back to the chase....
We finally got both dogs
and the baby rabbits are still safe under the wood pile.

On the other hand
I have scratches on my face from my glasses
a bruised knee where it hit the wood part of the trailer
a bruised nose
my front tooth is pushed back just a fraction
and my arm, shoulder and rib is bruised.
And I had to go rinse my mouth
cuz I just don't like all that gritty dirt in my teeth!

The rib bothers me the most
like when I realized I couldn't play nerf football with the kids
or sleep decent in bed.
My daughter thinks I am nuts when I say
that I would have loved to see it all on video.
I think it would be hysterically funny
to see me in slow mo flying over the trailer
landing on the ground face first!
Ow, ow, and ow.
Sometimes life is just a big cartoon!!

Spiral

2011-06-19T11:21:00.000-04:00

I need a vacation!
A real one!
You know
the kind where you go somewhere
where the rest of the world can't find you?

It's been a very long week for me.
Very long.

On my way home from work on Friday
I thought how nice it would be
to just go camping in the woods
somewhere for the weekend.

No traffic
no lawnmowers
no phones
no dishes to wash
no carpets to clean
no animals to feed.

Except for Foxy
of course.
Foxy would go camping with me
she goes most everywhere with me.
But somehow
a girl and her dog alone in the woods
didn't sound like the safest idea in the world
so here I am. (Still!)

It seems like no matter what your work schedule is
there just isn't enough time
to get done what I want to do.
Everyone knows your work schedule
so they call.
Can you....?

No
No
and No.
I can't.
I can't think
I can't plan
I can't
I won't
and you can't make me.

I have an added project at work
that I am supposed to make happen
pretty much on my own.

It involves travel
like an hour and half.

It involves people that I need to train
that aren't even hired yet.

It involves summer school
which starts on July 11th.

Plus
all the end of the month stuff at my school.

That will give me four days
starting Monday.

My brother from Arizona
is coming in with his GF
on Saturday.

My daughter and the kids
are coming in on Saturday.

My sister wants me to help
get my Mom's house ready
for my brother's visit.

I need to get my house ready
for both their visits.

And then
there is the fourth of July.

And then
summer school.

I just want to escape...
before I drown.

Holiday

2011-05-31T15:24:00.000-04:00

Cell phones.

Lap tops.
X-Box 360.

Roller blades.
Fishing Poles.
Flip Flops.

Teasing.
Laughing.
Lounging.
Shopping.

Ice Cream.

Fishing.
Shooting.

BBQing.
Picnicking.

Hugging.
Kissing.

Waving goodbye
Until
Next Time.

Walking through the Storms

2011-05-22T12:20:00.000-04:00

Life is a double-edged sword.
A mass jumble of confusion with little or no confession.
I spend my days wearing an invisible coat of armor.
This way all the hurts just ding the outside and protect the inside of me.
Yeah right.
I spend the nights in tangled dreams and shadowy images
and wake up feeling like I have spent my sleeping hours in some kind of battle.
I refuse to try to analyze anything that happened in my dreams.
I awaken feeling spent and confused.
I know in the reality that everything will come to a boiling point, yet do nothing to speed the process.
I am, in effect, living in fog.
Yet, I can feel I am gathering knowledge and strength that will help me deal with whatever is waiting down life's path.
Waiting for the sun to break through so I can clearly see my way.

Yes, life is a double-edged sword.
\

Another one

2011-05-04T21:12:00.002-04:00

I have another question.

Does perfectly insane mean the same thing as perfect insanity?

Question

2011-04-12T16:06:00.000-04:00

Gawd, it's been so long since I posted, I had to stop and think for a minute and figure how to get in on this thing!

Anyhow, one quick question for ya--

If you made a "to do" list of six things, and the day is almost over and you only got one-half thing done on the list,
BUT
you also made and cooked about 100 meatballs from scratch,
and went to DMV to renew your car registration,
stopping on the way home to pick up big aluminum pans for
the rigatoni for 50 people on Saturday,
well---
does that count for anything?

I Wear a Coat of Armor

2011-01-22T11:19:00.001-05:00

I didn't write much this week because I didn't want anyone to think I am a whiner.
That I couldn't handle the shit life throws at me.
No one wants to hear the struggle cuz we all have crap that we have to deal with.
So if you don't want to read about the shit in my life, feel free to just skip this post.
But the reality is, that shit happens, and lately shit has happened a lot to me and quite frankly, I am sick and tired of it.
I can't ignore it and hope it goes away.
I have dealt with everything head on as is my way but I have to write it out so it stops
circling my brain like a Tilt-a-Whirl ride gone mad.

I am at my wits end trying to feel energetic.
I have been sick since two days after Christmas.
I am still struggling to get my energy level back.
I missed seven days of work, which is not good, seeings how I am on probation at my job for 52 weeks.
Seven days in a row!!
That alone is enough to make me depressed and afraid of losing my job.
I didn't think so much that I would get fired, as I was truly sick and had visited the doctor twice in that seven day period.
And then it just got to the point that I didn't even care at the time if I did lose my job,
as long as I got well and back on my feet!
At the time that I did miss work was at the beginning of the month when all my big orders came in and I had a boatload of paperwork to complete and I had to make sure I got my government reimbursement for my school.
I had never done this on my own before as my consultant had always been there in person for help and advice.
By the time I was well enough to return to work, my consultant was on vacation for the next three weeks, travelling.
And while she was available through phone contact, and e-mail, sometimes it is difficult for either one of us to make the other understand exactly where to go on the computer for whatever we are talking about.
Besides me being somewhat nervous about time limits on things at work, and trying to contact my consultant to make sure I was doing things the right way, my chest still hurt, my back hurt from coughing, and I had absolutely no energy.
By the time I got home from work all I wanted to do was to go to bed.

The thing was, everyone else here was sick also.
I was the one feeling the best of any of us.
That meant I had to go get more juice, pop, medicine, soup, etc.
Laundry, dishes, food.
Animal care.
I did the bare minimun to keep going.

So I get back to work for a few days, when my boss tells me to stop by her office after lunch.
I wasn't nervous because she is the most understanding person in the world.
I like her as a person and I have the greatest respect for her as a boss.
But I had an inkling of what was coming.
We discussed my absence.
I had bronchitus like I hadn't had in years!
I told her while I have allergies, that bronchitus was not a seasonal thing for me.
I am more prone to sinus infections.
So we went on about my health and she was sympathetic as she used to get sinus infections also.
Until she quit smoking.
(Here we go. I have been through this 1,000 times before in the last 20 years or so with my previous employers.)
Then she told me about how she quit smoking and some of her health issues.
And how quitting smoking cleared up her sinus infections.
Have I considered that possibility to quit smoking?
I listened politely.
She told me that she was not telling me this as my boss, but as my friend because she
she cares about me and she was so concerned about the fact that my bronchitus had lasted so long after two trips to the doctor.
She was afraid that maybe it was something more serious than bronchitus.

When she was done, I told her that not to poo-poo the smoking thing, but my sister, who also has allergies, gets bronchitus a lot and has never smoked in her life.
I also told her that while it was in the back of my mind that maybe I did have something more serious, that I have not quit smoking.
I assured I smoked a whole lot less than I had.
I don't smoke at all the whole time at work, so that cuts down on a lot of how much I smoked before I got this job.
When all was said and done, she told me that while I could have gone off on her about her speaking to me about my smoking (it being more my personal life than professional)
she was happy to see that I didn't and again reassured me that she said it as my friend.

Then she asked me to write a letter to her requesting that she grant approval for my time off so she could have something to show the upper-ups.
By the time I left her office I was tired.
And wondering what exactly does one say in a letter like that without sounding like an idiot?
When I got back to my office, my co-worker said something about I see thatyou didn't get fired.
Chink.
I typed out a letter to my boss, and of course she wasn't in, so I had no choice but to run it by her secretary to see if that was what was expected.
Now this woman goes on a little too much in the explanation department, and in the conversation, said something to the effect that with me being gone since Christmas vacation, which started on the 22nd of Dec., and not returning to work until the 12th of January, I could have been in Hawaii for all they knew.
Chink.

Later that week, I was consulting with my coworker about things going on the last week in January and she asked me why I was asking her that-I wasn't planning on being absent was I?
And quickly added-Just kidding!
Chink.

And then one of my friends suddenly dies.
Chink. Chink. Chink.
I have made it this far without cracking but I have new dents in my coat of armor.

Then there is the usual walking on eggsells at home.
Trying to keep the peace.
And then last night, I thought, is it really worth it?
I mean, really?
That is a post for another day.
A long one.

24,590

2011-01-15T22:05:00.001-05:00

I have been putting off this post for the last five days.
I almost started it earlier today but still couldn't do it.
I have been writing parts of this in my head for almost a week now.
But the time has come.
Today is the very last day.
The very last day for the ones of us still here
with a huge hole in our hearts.
Okay, here goes...

I had heard about BJ for a couple months before I actually met him.
I knew he loved the outdoors.
I knew he loved to fish.
I knew he had built his 3-story A-frame out in the middle of the woods.
I knew that to actually find his house was very difficult indeed because
his driveway was somewhere between two trees.
No markers.
No mailbox.
I knew I would like this guy who had a wonderful sense of humor.

When I arrived at his place, he was standing outdoors working on one of his projects.
I admired his house from the outside.
He beamed with pride.
And asked me if I would like to see his bed.
I laughed and told him that I bet he says that to all the women.
He laughed and told me the story of his bed.
He built it in such a way and hung it from the rafters.
It was on the third floor, if I wanted to see it.
Well, how cool is that?
Hell yeah I wanted to see it!
This guy wasn't small by any means!
I wanted to see the bed that hung from the ceiling that held this guy!
So we went up to the third floor so I could take a look at it.
Awesome!
I sat on it and swang back and forth.
Cool!

I came to know BJ pretty well.
He was an intellectual guy that loved the outdoors and nature.
He was generous, patient, caring.
He made me laugh.
A lot.

When we discovered that were had the same birthday, only different years, we celebrated our birthdays at a Chinese restaurant.

It was he who let me hang on to his fishing pole after he reeled in a salmon,
so I would know the strength of that fish.
It was he who stood directly behind me when I first shot a machine gun.
He was afraid I would get knocked on my ass from it.
I have met his daughter and stayed at her house.
I have met his son on a camping trip.

There is so much more I could write, but I can't seem to put the words in print right now.
I am still in shock that he's gone and I have quite a ways to go before I can heal.

I admired your philsophy, Captain.
Thanks for the memories.

RIP my friend.

Out the Window

2011-01-10T23:14:00.000-05:00

I went back to the Dr. today and got more medicine.
So far, I have spent $207 for meds in the past eight days.
And then there will two Dr. office calls to pay for!
I haven't worked since before Christmas vacation.
I am hoping I can handle going back to work on Wednesday.

So what have I been doing with all my time?
Since I have too sick to do anything except stare out the window,
well,
that is what I have been doing.

The thing is I have a couple birdfeeders hanging in the tree
right outside the living room windows.
Plus a suet feeder.
I get a lot of sparrows and chickadees, a male and female cardinal,
and the other day there were eight
mourning doves eating birdseed off the ground.

I also have one of these:

A downy woodpecker.....

that likes to eat from the suet feeder.

A red-bellied woodpecker stops by on occasion.............

And then these little bandits: Nuthatches

I have enjoyed watching these birds over the past two weeks.

But I will be happy to be feeling good enough to go back to work soon!

2011-01-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

No, I have not given up on blogging!
Just in case any one reads this anymore :)
I was going to be such a better blogger than in the past because that is what I do is write.
Writing is my passion.

As soon as the busy holidays were over...
Then two days after Christmas I got sick and then sicker.
Then I went to the Dr. on the 3rd and I definitely have bronchitus.
Feels more like pneumonia to me, but then I have not had that since I was little.
Anyhow, I have three meds the doc gave me.
So!
I will get back to you all when I am better!
Happy New Year to all of you!

Week Twelve

2010-11-05T22:56:00.001-04:00

Everything is freaky
Look through the
Purple Haze
Everyone is frantic
Winding through
the maze
High pitched laughter
Nervous tapping
Senses
smelling
fear
Too loud for reason
No one caring
They're all staring
The noise level
rises
The nerves
stretch taught
The the shouting and the screaming
glass is breaking
tears are streaming
Sirens flashing
all surrounds
the mind blowing
freak
of all
FREAKS

The day explodes
with color
and then
you can't remember
as Darkness
wraps around
your mind
like a grey
wool blanket
then it is silent.

You awaken
and wonder...
but never
remember...

The Heart Is Sure

2010-10-09T23:55:00.000-04:00

Can I tell you this?
Can I tell you that I am in love with you?
Can I tell you that you are on my mind
(all the time...wish to God...you were mine...)
day and night?
That you are in all my waking and sleeping thoughts?
That my dreams every night are that you and I are together
And our souls meld as one?

I cannot tell you this?
Because most likely
it is a sin
to feel this way?
Or is it because
you feel the same way?

Am I living in Fantasy
or are you living in denial?

Some days I scream out
in agony
Some days I scream out
in desire
Some days I scream out
in anger
But I long for you
Every day.

Can I live like this forever?
Can you live like this forever?

Will our hearts turn to stone?
Never knowing?
Forever waiting...

Will you find me when you're ready?
Or will it be too late?
Will I be lost amongst the zombies
That wander the halls
at night?

Or flying high
on meds with wings
in the night sky?

Could you catch me
if you wanted?
Would you know me
if you did?

I will wonder
as I wander
through the mazes
in the gardens
if you love me,
yes, I love you
do you want me,
I will find you.

Another one down

2010-10-07T21:03:00.000-04:00

What happened to us?
What happened to the sunshine filled afternoons we would all spend at Gramma and Grampa's?
What happened to the dark, cold nights we would all set up at Grampa's and listen to him play his accordian for all of us?
When we would gather as a clan at our matriarch's house and all of us grandkids would sing silly songs like, "Found a peanut?"
And your sisters would try to teach me how to do a cartwheel while you boy cousins would be throwing around a baseball in the sideyard?
And we would pick apples from Gramma's trees?
And sometimes climb them if we didn't think Grampa would catch us?

Our clan of cousins grew up and apart, even though we still would see each other on occasion.
Then it was work and kids and busy schedules and we sort of lost track of each other.
Just barely keeping up with the family grapevine.
But we all showed up for when the old people died.
And hugged and kissed and told each other how much we missed being together.

Then something funny happened.
And not haha funny, either.
We'd get sick.
From the way our lifestyle was.
Or is.
And then better.
Then not so good.
And then one of our cousins died unexpectedly.
And we felt vulnerable and confused and ripped off.
And we'd huddle around each other, lifting each other's spirits,
keeping it together.

And we went on with our lives.
And our lifestyles.

But then
Today
Well, today
another one of us gone.
And while it was mainly
due to his lifestyle,
we still love him.
And we will miss him bad.
And we don't even want to believe it at all.
But it's true.

Yet, those of us who are left
will gather once again
in the honor
of a cousin
lost.

And we will gather strength
in each other's arms
Cry on each other's shoulders,
Remembering the good times
we had when we were young
and thought life was full of
laughter.

We will stand together
my cousins
and I
in honor
of Kenny, Jr.

RIP: Li'l Ken

Got Stress?!?

2010-09-25T15:50:00.000-04:00

I have a new job!
I started about a month ago.
So far, I love it!
So far, they love me!
Okay, maybe "MT" doesn't love me, I think drive him crazy sometimes, but we get along fine.

The thing is, I have to take the expressway to work.
Now that in itself is not a big deal, but I had only driven the expressway three times maybe in my whole life.
And the crosswinds WILL be a factor this winter.

The problem is I have two vehicles that I can drive to work.
One is on its deathbed or as my mechanic told me
"Drive it till it blows up."
It is old and the motor is about shot.
The other is the truck.
Now this truck isn't so bad.
A little rusty, but hell, I ain't picky when it comes to getting to work,
as long as it will get me there on time and back again.
That's all I ask for at this point.

But you see, when he left for CA to visit his parents,
he knew the truck's alternator was starting to go.
Besides that damn tire that leaks air.
The alternator had been going for at least two months.

So I have been taking turns driving the vehicles to work and back.
Once after I started out, my oil light came on.
WTF??
I had just checked it last week and put two quarts in it.
My car had never used oil and it didn't seem to be leaking anywhere.
I made it okay, and put a quart in when I got home, and stuck another one
in the trunk for the next time.
(I didn't have any money on me to buy oil.)

The next time I took the truck, after I got it inspected and put air in the tire,
the battery light came on and stayed on.
Crap!
I hope it gets me home okay.
It did.
After that, I took the car.

Yesterday after I got home from work
my friend called me and asked me to pick her up from work
and take her across town to get her daughter's truck.

So we went across town, picked up the truck, I told her I would
follow her until I got to the cut off point to go to my house.
We got almost to that point, when my car died out
so I coasted off the side of the street.
I sat there watching my friend, four cars ahead of me keep right on going.
She hadn't realized I was in trouble.
I started it up again, thinking I just want to get this thing home
before it dies for good.
I didn't get very far when it cut out completely
and I was lucky enough to have the momentum to coast into an empty parking lot.

I sat there for about five minutes and it started up again.
This time I got as far as the store's parking lot, where I used to work.
I am ten minutes from my house.
If I can get up over the bridge, and don't get the red light on the other side,
I think I can make it home.

I start it up yet AGAIN, and just as I reach the base of the bridge
it acts like it is going to die out.
Lucky I was close to my friends house so I pulled onto her street
and parked it.
This is the friend I had been following.
She wasn't home.
But, she had seen me coming around the corner, so she came back to see what happened.
We let the car cool off, while I called OS.
He had the truck as he wanted to go cash his check and pay some bills.

I had my friend follow me home
and I called OS and told him I got home ok.
He said he would put an alternator in the truck Sat.,
so I could get to work on Monday.

He called me later to tell me how much an alternator would be
(good thing I got paid this week)
and to tell me the alternator shit the bed
and the truck was parked at his friend's restaurant.

I am pissed because I should never have had to
deal with the damn alternator thing in the first place
and neither should OS!

But, when I finally got home from taking my friend to
pick up her truck, I was content.
Why?
It was the weekend.
I had coffee.
I had enough smokes to get me through.
And
I made it home just in time to watch
Paula Deen on t.v.!
AND
it beats the hell of out the shit
I went through last weekend!!

It is no wonder
I woke up with a headache this morning.
It is almost four in the afternoon and I still have it.

Hmmm.
It just might be stress!
Speaking of stress,
he comes home from CA on Tuesday.

Think Back

2010-09-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

I have been a very, very busy person!
And I have a lot of things on my agenda today.
I should be taking a shower and then going to the bank.
My friend is picking me up later this morning to go to a party.
I don't have time to.....

Okay.
We are all busy.
We all have schedules.
Your son has a game this afternoon.
Your daughter has cheerleading.
You need to take your mom after groceries.
Your Dad wants you to come over and help him with yardwork.

Stop!
Stop just for a moment.
Think about where you were
and how you felt nine years ago today.

As I viewed many pictures on the web this morning,
I felt the same sick feeling I did nine years ago.
The same anger.
The same sadness.
The same feelings that united all of us Americans.

I was one of the "lucky" ones.
I did not personally lose a loved one
in the 9/11 attacks.

What I did lose was my innocence.
I lost my complacency.
I was taken out of my "comfort zone."

Most of go about our lives taking our freedom for granted.
I did.
Until the attacks.
Most of us take emergency responders for granted.
I did.
Many of us take our military for granted.
I don't personally have anyone that is in the military
fighting for our freedom.

What the 9/11 attacks did for me
as with many of us
was to open our eyes.
It shoved reality right into
our living rooms
via the T.V.
It shoved reality right into
our vehicles
via the radio.
It connected us
via the internet
and the phone.

IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF US!

It did!

It united us in anger and sorrow
hope and prayer
determination and action.

I am asking you to take just a moment
even just a tiny one
to remember the 9/11 attacks on our nation,
our people,
our lifestyle as we knew it before the attacks.

Don't ever take our liberty for granted.
Don't ever take our freedom for granted.
Don't ever become as complacent
as we were before the attacks.

We still live in the Land of Liberty and Freedom.
But we must open our eyes to the fact
that just because we were born into this great nation
does not mean that we can just set back and enjoy it
all the time.
Take some action.
Small or big.
Support our troops.
Everyday.
Support our emergency responders.
All the time.
Send a card or an email to someone you know
that lost a loved one.

STAND UP FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
We are THE PEOPLE.
No matter what race or color or language we speak,
WE ARE THE PEOPLE.
And when we all unite today
in our rememberance of the
9/11 attacks
on our nation
on our people
remember that it is up to
each and every one of us
to fight for and protect
our liberties
and our freedom.

Because America still
is

THE LAND OF THE FREE
AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE

NEVER
FORGET.

Rodeos and Prom Dresses

2010-08-23T21:25:00.000-04:00

Double Whammy.
It's raining.
And its Monday.

This past weekend a bunch of us went to a rodeo.
I love rodeo's and have only been a couple of times in my life.
My very favorite part is barrel racing.
My second favorite is bare-back bronc riding.
I can picture myself barrel racing but am willing to leave the bronc riding to someone else.

When we arrived at our destination, there wasn't anyone there except for the people that were setting up the rodeo.
It was noon.
The rodeo started at two.
So we all decided we may as well go find a place to have lunch.
We picked a nice little cafe; the kind that serves homemade food!
There were nine of us so we knew it would take a bit for our lunch to arrive.

It just so happens, there was a discount dress store down the street.
Not just any ol' dress store.
No, this was where one would go to purchase wedding dresses,
prom dresses,
very formal occasion dresses.
So my DIL (imagine me being a real MIL!)
and her 17 year old daughter, (my step-granddaughter, but I don't think of her as step) went to have a look-see.
The two Gramma's (me and DIL's mom)
went out for a cigarette.
We all went back in to the cafe together.

Now in the 15 minutes that those two were in the dress shop,
Terra, (my granddaughter), found a dress she was thinking of buying
for the prom in June.
She had tried it on and her mom took a pic of her in it to show us all.
It was truly a beautiful dress!

After lunch, Terra insisted her two grammas and her BF go have a look at it.
We loved it!
Terra is prattling on and on to her BF about how he would have to wear this certain tux with it and on and on.
It was a $300 dress marked down to $150.
Terra decided yes, this is her dress for the prom.
The dress was bought and Terra was ecstatic.
She is a senior this year and plans on attending every single dance.
I hope her boyfriend is up to it.
He likes to be in a tux about as much as any other guy I know
but he loves Terra a lot
so I know he will do it.

We go back to the rodeo grounds and get a seat.
The opening ceremony was really cool
with each rider carrying a flag.
First they all rode in a circle
then split the circle into a spiral
and ended up criss-crossing each other
in the arena.

There was one bull rider that made time. (8 seconds)

The calf roping was fun to watch.
It seems to me it is easier for the first rider
to lasso the head
than it is for the second rider to lasso
the calf's back feet.

The bare back bronc riding was pretty awesome to watch.
This one guy had his hand caught in the rope
for quite a few seconds after he got bucked off.
Yep, he had to stand up and sit down a couple times
before he could get it together enough to walk out of the arena.

The best part was the barrel racing.
To watch those horses and riders go charging towards a barrel
only to cut as close as possible to it
while rounding it
to charge on to the next barrel
and then the third and final barrel
and race back asfastasthisorfaster!
But the one barrel racer that stole a piece of my heart
was a six-year old girl
riding a full grown horse.
Now that was awesome!
The look on her face was totally
fearless.
She didn't win, but she gave it a good shot.

Shortly after that it started raining
and when it began to really pour
we decided to leave.

I had a good time at the rodeo
and I already know what
my granddaughter is wearing
to the prom
next June!

If she doesn't change her mind
about the dress
between now and then! :)

Hats Off for Walker

2010-08-17T23:17:00.001-04:00

When Walker, Inia, and I decided to have coffee together, Walker said that she drives a van that except for being brown, looks a lot like the Mystery Van on Scooby Doo cartoons.

Me (to myself): okay, the mystery van...I don't think it has any side windows, and Walker says hers is brown. No problem. When I get out of my car in the parking lot
and I see her van, I will walk by it and say, "Scooby Doo, where are you?" And keep on walking like I don't know its them.

So I hop in my car, and on the way down I think: Maybe he is color blind like him.
Heck, maybe all guys are color blind. So, okay, a dark colored van with no side windows. Oh, what's the big deal? He sent you a pic of him and vice versa about five years ago. Surely, you will recognize him!

I arrived about 15 minutes early, not knowing if they were early birds or late birds or just on time birds. For the record, they are just on time birds.

A few cars pull in, a few pull out.
Then a van pulls in and parks about five spaces before me.
The couple get out and head for the door of the coffee house.

HOLY SHIT!
It's Daphne and Shaggy!!
Well, okay, she had red hair and glasses and he could have used a hair cut****
*******(more on the hair later)**********
I take a quick glance at the van, as I hop out of the car, big ol' honkin' side windows and in no way, shape, or form was it brown! In fact, it was a much lovelier color than brown!
Now I know I haven't watched Scooby Doo in ages, but you would have thought Shaggy would have e-mailed me when they switched Mystery Vans!
I mean, me and Shaggy,

OKAY
Shaggy and I

are likethisclose!!

So anyhow, I am following these people into the coffee house
and I am pretty sure that is Walker.
Oh wait. Maybe not.
It kinda looks like him.
Kinda doesn't.
Crap.
What do you know about Inia?
Not much.
Red hair.
Oh, and I remember once him saying she had a purple bra on.
Not that I go looking looking at other women's bras!
But hey, if the material of her blouse was thin, you know, in a summery material kind of way,
Forget it.
That's dumb.
Well, hey, you wanted to know what I knew about her.
I'm just sayin'!

I get in there and they were just picking up their order , so I walk up and order, get my stuff and head for a corner table,
just as they head for a table in the opposite corner.
There is a table with two ladies talking between us.
Maybe if I hear his accent, then I will know for sure.
So I am sipping my coffee and trying to act natural, natural for me anyhow,
and trying to pick up his accent.
It would have been a whole lot easier if the ladies weren't sitting there weren't gabbing away.

Twice I glanced over.
Twice the red haired lady glanced at me.
I smirked.
I couldn't help it.
I knew it was them.

Now, how to get them to know it is me.
C'mon! Think!
You are wasting valuable time sitting here
when you could be over there talking to Walker
and getting to know Inia.
Now, I am starting to get nervous.
Should I go over there and ask them if they are meeting someone?
Should I go over there and ask him if he's Walker?
What if by some chance in million it isn't him, and the woman gets psycho
everytime another woman talks to her man?

Shut. Up. and Get MOVING!!!
So I get up and start heading over to their table
and I look up and the dude is walking towards me.
He walks up to me and asks me if I'm Itisi, and the next thing I know I am standing outside having a smoke with him.

The first thing he said to me was;
Where's your cowboy hat and jeans? (That's what I was wearing in the picture I sent.)

You know, I had thought of that yesterday.
I knew I should have worn that hat!
We wasted almost fifteen minutes trying to decide if he was him and I was me!
But then I really didn't think a cowboy hat would go so good with my shorts, boheminan blouse, and sandals.

I was thinking of wearing jeans that day and a t-shirt,
but I knew I would be all nervous in an excited,
holy-shit,
I FINALLY get to met him in person!
kind of way,
and I didn't want to get all sweaty, so I opted for shorts and a blouse.
I just hoped against hope that the Coffee House didn't have the a/c on 60 degrees,
cuz I would definitely get T.H.O's
and I know for certain Walker would make a smart-ass funny remark about them,
which would be okay except like I said,
I really don't know Inia that well.
It wouldn't be so bad if I knew her like I know Walker.
For the record, the a/c was set at a decent temperature.

All in all, I had a marvelous afternoon with them,
talking, laughing, connecting, and sharing.
Inia is so easy to talk with and I felt comfortable with her right away.

Inia is my newest friend
and I would like to say thank you to her
for making it possible for Walker and I to met in person!
*******************************
Now about the hair.
Inia has red hair.
But not just any red hair.
She has the dark red hair that every woman that wants to be a red head would die for.
I love her hair!

Walker has black hair.
But not just any black hair.
He has the most gorgeous black curls I have ever seen
and if he never cut it,
it wouldn't hurt my feelings any!!

Forgive Me

2010-08-05T11:28:00.000-04:00

I can hear the wind
blowing through the trees...
And the leaves
whisper your name.

I can see the raindrops

type out your name

on the stones

As the thunder rumbles

across my world

filling me with

the certainty

that you are gone from me

Forever...

Never to return

Never to hold me

Again.

Looking down as the lightning flashes

Illuminating the needle

as my shaking hands

pick up the syringe...

Inject me...

As the pink and blue lightning

act like strobe lights

And the clouds release

Purple raindrops

I am drifting towards you

Oh so close

I can hear you calling my name.

But the downward spiral

tries to suck me under

as my whole world darkens

And I struggle to stay afloat.

I am almost there.

The downward spiral

Begins again

Stronger this time

More forceful.

I am struggling

Grasping

Trying to hold on

For one more day

to wait

for your

Return.

I am shaky...

I am weak...

I cannot hold on

anymore

as I slide into

Oblivion

for the

very last time.

Grillin' and Chillin'

2010-07-08T10:51:00.001-04:00

Wow! What a July 4th weekend I had!
Yep, here it is four days later and I am back in the real world.
(Not really. I don't spend any more time than I need to in the real world...just enough to make the rest of the world think I am normal! LOL )

July 2nd I went over to OS cuz he was having an outdoor fire.
Purple Haze contributed the fire pit and I brought some extra wood and beer.
Annah brought wine so we were all pretty well set for the night.
There were about twelve to fifteen friends there and we all had a good time.
It is a good thing I had a ride home or I would have had to spend the night!

July 3rd I decided that OS needed a fire pit of his own, so I went out and bought him one.
Hey! They were on sale!! I got him an awesome heavy duty fire pit for cheap!!
Yeah me!!
In the evening we went to see fireworks.
We parked at the Yacht Club (I know!! Hoity Toity!!!) and walked down to the beach.
There were 500+ people there, but we found a great spot near the tennis courts and
it so happened the fireworks show was in direct view!
There was music, kids with sparklers, and a whole lot of fun going on!

On the 4th, I had to work all day, but it was pretty dead.
Good thing for me, I had only gotten about two hours sleep due to circumstances beyond my control.
That night we did some shopping and had waffle bowls dipped in chocolate and mine was filled with birthday cake ice cream! Yummy!

On the 5th, I went over to OS for a cookout.
His GF really knows how to put out the food let me tell ya!
Hamburgers, hot dogs, tortilleni salad with some added feta cheese, fresh fruit salad, tuna mac salad with a touch of olive oil instead of mayonnaise (yummy!) , tomato-bean salad, seafood salad, all kinds of chips, beer, pop, and anything else you could think of!
It was so stinking hot and humid that OS went for a dive on the kids' slip and slide, much to the delight of his GF's 3-year old son!

I had a really good holiday weekend despite having to work on the acutal holiday!
I hope you all had a safe and happy 4th of July!!

The Reason

2010-06-24T22:47:00.000-04:00

Ever since my kids were small and all through their growing up years, and even after some of them left home, I have always done whatever it takes to keep my family together. Through good and bad (there was plenty of both), thick and thin, happiness and sorrow, I have kept us all together.

Magill has been with me since last November. Tomorrow she will leave here to live with her immediate family who love her very much. Her dad (YS), her step-mom and her step-sisters. While I will greatly miss Magill, I am so very happy for her to be able to be with her real family.

Let me share what she wrote for me today:

"I love how you are always there
and bring us joy
as we all live in happpiness and peace.

It's because of you that we are all living in harmony.

Everyone loves you."

Thankyou, Magill!

I will always treasure our time together.

The 'Burg is Rockin' Tonite!

2010-06-07T22:22:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I forgot.
I forgot to listen to the local news at ten.

The sirens were blaring
The horns were honking
The lights were flashing
As four firetrucks
And the local police
Escorted
Our high school
Baseball Team
Home...

THEY ARE GOIING TO THE

STATE FINALS!!!!!!!!

You guys ROCK!

Trajic Love

2010-06-03T23:07:00.000-04:00

"Such a trajic love is that which is Taboo,
for it is what we are forbidden to have
that we desire more than anything."
-unknown-

Observations

2010-05-17T08:59:00.000-04:00

Five observations from my road trip this weekend:

The "po-po" says that the window tint on the 'Stang is illegal.
The fine for the above is $109.55 per window.

No matter how beautiful you are on the outside, you still get nervous on the inside.

Sometimes someone you think you know well will do something that you never expected.

If two people are trying to make one pot of coffee in the morning, you both mess up.

Pictures really are worth a thousand words.

Floating Away on the Wind

2010-04-28T12:35:00.004-04:00

Today
I let go of a
Dream

I let it float away
on the wind
like a
helium balloon

Drifting away
from me
Higher and higher
until it is
so far away from me
I can't see it anymore

But
I can still
feel it...
In my
heart...
In my soul...
It has been there
for so
very long...
It seems strange
to let it go

There will be
a great emptiness
inside me now
A huge void
where my dream
once was

Though I am greatly saddened by it
I have learned not to cry
I know it is something
I must do

It is quite possible
the void will never be filled

I realize
life isn't always
fair
but I also know
that I will carry on

Some wishes
never come true...
Some paths
never meet...
some songs
are never sung...

And some hearts
never

heal...

I let go of a dream today.

Reflections

2010-04-21T10:01:00.004-04:00

Every now and then something will happen in my travels through this life
that make me stop and reflect on what is important to me and what isn't.
Every now and then something will happen that brings our diverse family together.
Every now and then something will happen that reminds me that when SHIT happens and times are rough FAMILY is there to help you through it.
My mom's side of the family stick close together when the going gets rough.

My cousin RB passed away in his sleep.
It seems he had a heart attack.
He was 56.

Let me give you some history of part of my family.
And I am not doing this so you feel sorry for me or my family or even RB and his family.
I am doing this to show you what a rock this family is.
To show you what a rock my Aunt is.

Back when I was in 8th grade, my uncle (RB's dad) died of a massive heart attack on Christmas night.
His oldest son (JB) was in Vietnam and couldn't be located right away.
They held off the funeral as long as they could.
JB made it in the nick of time to help bury his father.

This left my Aunt to raise two teenage boys by herself.
She also has an older daughter (L) who is married.
Now Aunt didn't work at the time.
Uncle had been a truck driver like his two brothers.
Aunt decided to go into real estate which worked out well for her.

JB made it through the Vietnam War, married, had two kids.
A few years ago, JB, had a heart attack at work.
He ended up seriously brain damaged from it.
He is now in a convalesent home for the rest of his life.
Now Aunt is getting old and her health is failing.
She doesn't drive anymore because of her vision.
RB was her right-hand man.
Recently, Aunt found out that she has cancer of the liver.
Now this is how bad her health is-
her doctor told her not to worry about it because whatever else is wrong with her will take her before the liver cancer does.

There was no insurance for RB.
He had been a self-employed carpenter for many years
and was recently on disability.
Aunt paid for the whole thing herself.
I am telling you, this lady isn't rich not matter how you stretch it.
This lady is a rock.
She does what needs to be done, no matter what.

Times like this reunites a scattered family.
Times like this makes you stop and reflect on your own life.
It is times like this when things get all quiet
and family surrounds you with their love and support
and gives you the strength to carry on.

It is times like this that you realize just how short life really is.

RIP
RB

2010-04-14T09:58:00.001-04:00

My youngest son got married thirteen days ago.

I am still getting used to the idea.
It is not like I don't like the woman he married.

I do like her; it is just that I don't know her.
I wonder if they know each other.

They had met one night at a club that YS had never been to before.
Apparently, he had gone out with the guys and met her that night.

They have known each other for all of about six weeks total, so far.

I met her one night, here at the house, about a week before the wedding.
She did come over one other time before the wedding and showed me pictures of her wedding gown.
She seems very friendly and open.
She doesn't seem to have attitude.
She gets along great with his children and he with hers.

But it all seems so surreal.

I have no idea how they pulled off such a beautiful wedding and reception in two weeks.
I know I had a hell of a time finding a decent, respectable dress.
I finally found one the day before the wedding.
They kept telling me I didn't have to wear a dress.
After all, her mother wasn't wearing a dress.
Her mother wore a black silk blouse, and black slacks.
She looked very nice.

But since both my boys wore tuxes,
and "he" wore a suit
(I know! we are still in shock that he actually bought a new suit!)
and I am, after all, the mother of the groom,
I wanted to get a dress so my son would be proud of me
and I would feel like I fit in with the rest of my family and friends.

But back to what all mothers worry about with their kids, no matter how old they are.

Their happiness with their decisions.

He seems very happy.

He says she is only woman he has had that treats him good.

He smiles all the time.

Even Magill says that her daddy smiles a LOT more than he used to.

I guess I think about the fact that is was such a quick decision.

YS told his gramma
that when you find the one that
you know you absolutely want to spend the rest of your life with,
there is no point in wasting time.

So as his mamma, I have to trust his decision and go with it.

He seems at peace with himself,
more confident,
and much more happy than I have seen him in a very long time.

That's all a mother really wants for their children.

THE Day

2010-04-13T09:48:00.001-04:00

I go to great lengths to keep peace around here
sometimes at my own expense.

YS got married on Good Friday.

I finally found a dress on Thursday morning.
A beautiful light, yellow gown, with sequins across the top,
spaghetti straps, a slit going way up the thigh, with a ruffle peeking out the length of it.

I also decided I would get a perm and trim Thursday, so I called for an appt, they could get me in in the afternoon.

So I come home with my gown and he says
Did you take the checkbook with you?
(He told me I could.)
I said I did but didn't use it. (I am not THAT stupid!)
I told him not to worry about it, I paid for it with my own money.
Never mind it only left me with about thirty bucks for the rest of the week.

BUT,
since he is the one that insists
that I have long curly hair (my hair is straight as a stick)
I did take the checkbook and used it for my perm and trim.
And while I was at it, I bought their shampoo and conditioner.

So the total bill with the hairdresser tip was like $30 more that it usually is.
He knew better than to say ANYTHING about the cost.

Now he had said earlier in the week that he planned on leaving here at two p.m.
for the wedding on Friday.

So I told our daughter to be here at two to pick me up.

About one-thirty he decides he wants to leave.
I said wait for our daughter.
By quarter of he was getting bugged out.
So I called our daughter and asked where she was.
She was on her way, would be there in ten minutes.

He wouldn't wait and now here's the dumb part,

I felt sorry for him (I know!!)
cuz I didn't want him to
A) get totally lost and miss his son's wedding
OR
B) arrive at his son's wedding alone
OR
C) be a raving lunatic when he got there and ruin it.

So I took off with him.
He refused to wait ten minutes for our daughter.

We arrived early without getting lost or screaming at each other.

We were setting outside, drinking a beer and I said that I thought it was pretty stinky of him that he couldn't wait ten minutes for our daughter to follow us out.
He ignored me.

So everyone arrived on time and they got married at four in the afternoon at the tower on the beach.
The day was absolutely gorgeous, and for once it wasn't windy there.

We all took about a hundred pictures, including the photographer.
The wedding gown she wore was beautiful, white with red trim on the train, and red trim around the vail.
The attendants wore long, dark red gowns, with matching sandals.
Magill was junior bridesmaid and she looked way older than eleven in her gown.

After pics we all headed for the reception, which was about 15 minutes away.
It took him and me an hour to get there.

He got lost 300 times.

He mummbled something about no one waiting for him so he could follow them to the reception.
I almost had to bite my tongue in half so I wouldn't say "What goes around comes around!"

But we did arrive before the wedding party, who took off in the biggest limo I had ever seen.

I am still patting myself on the back, cuz it is the first time in forever that he hasn't ruined something when it was someone's big day.

But then, why are we still together when he has a reputation for having me in tears with his hurtful words every time a family thing goes on?
I really don't have an answer for that right now.

But I am working on it.

The Asshole Factor

2010-03-24T09:40:00.002-04:00

Of course!!
How stupid of me
to ask
What's Next??

I had totally blocked out
The Asshole Factor!

Did I tell you
that I am
married to an
asshole?
I didn't?!?
Well
I am.
I use the words "he" or "him"
when I am talking about him
cuz "asshole" just seems so coarse
when reading about someone.

YS came over yesterday
to bury his dog.
I knew it would be very difficult
for him
as it would be for me, too.
He monkeyed around the house
for a bit and he was in and out.
I left him alone for a few minutes
for privacy
but it seemed he was out there
for quite a while.
I went out to see if he had started digging.
I found him laying in the dog house
with his arms wrapped around his dog,
which he had covered up with his favorite
Steelers bath towel.
And he was crying.

My son is 27 years old
and no wuss by any means.
He had this dog for ten years
and they did most everything together.

When YS saw me he got up and wrapped
his arms around me and we both cried
for a few minutes and then got down to
business.

Meanwhile, "he" was in his chair
in front of the TV.

Now keep in mind that he hadn't been awake
very long and it does take a while to dig a hole
for a black lab.
So I didn't think much about it at first.

YS started digging for the length
of the hole and I said something
about the ground still being froze underneath.
We wondered just how much it would be
to have the dog creamated.
I told YS I would pay for it
as I knew he had wedding expenses.

YS called his cousin
who works for the vet.
$150 if you want the ashes back.
And YS, bless his sweet heart,
wondered aloud to me
how much cheaper would
it be if we didn't want the ashes.
I know he as just looking out for
my finances.
I told him it didn't matter.
It wasn't an option.

I went in the house
told him that
YS and I were taking "his" truck
so we could take the dog down
and have her taken care of.

"He" never offered to help carry the dog down
to the truck, never offered any words of comfort,
not even a "Sorry 'bout the dog."
NOTHING.

Thankfully cousin had called ahead
and they were expecting us.

When we got back
"he" wanted YS to help
him push his junk truck
(tranny bad)
farther back in the driveway.

Next thing I know,
the truck is pushed back
and "he" comes in just a
bitching and storming about
stuff in the garage,
mainly YS stuff.
On and on blah, blah, blah.

I asked him to let it go for today.
On and on he went.
Please just let it go.
On and on.
YS and Magill left so
Magill could go get fitted for her dress
for the wedding.

So I told "him" to shut up!
That YS was grieving over the loss
of his dog right now.
He kept at it.
I told him to shut up!
I said he had no sympathy for YS.
Or anyone.
He said I could leave if I didn't like it
and "if one more person thinks they are
having another animal here at this house
they can kiss my ass!"

I mentally made plans to either drive myself
to YS wedding or ride with someone.
I know what will happen if I don't.
We will fight about something stupid
that he won't let go
and then he will put me down (Like always)
and then I will cry
because my son is getting married
and "he" is being an asshole on YS
wedding day
and I will arrive not only late to YS wedding
but also have puffy eyes from crying.

Yep.
Ain't riding to the wedding with him.

And I predict he will die a lonely, bitter old man
when his time comes because of the way he treats us all.

What next??

2010-03-23T11:15:00.003-04:00

It is a sad time for me here in the 'burg.
One of our beloved dogs died last night.
It was totally unexpected.
I am overwhelmed with sadness.

YS came into the house last week
and announced he was getting married
in two weeks.
To a girl I hadn't even met.
To a girl he has only known for a month.
If you knew YS,
you would know how unlike him this is.
There is no particular reason to rush into
a wedding.
But that is what they want.
I am overwhelmed.

I am hosting Easter for my entire family
this year.
Two days after YS gets married.

At work, we have changed companies.
We have set up their system in our store.
Everything is different and there are
what seems to me
a million of them all over the store
helping us learn to operate under
their system.
I am overwhelmed.

And while I know things
could be a whole lot worse,
I really, really, hope
there are no more surprises
in store for me for a while.

I am not sure
I could
handle
it.

I just feel very tired
and slightly sick.
Shock and stress
does that
to me.

Fire and Ice

2010-02-27T07:09:00.000-05:00

Are you a dream
or just a nightmare?

If you love me...

Are you my phantasy
or my reality?

Do you really help me?
Or just lead me on?

Are you my answer
Or do I question?

Tell me so...

Are you my poison
or my anitdote?

Are you a friend
or a foe?

When I walk through the darkness
I see your light

When I walk through the light
I see your darkness

If you tell me...

Are you a saint
or a serpent?

Are you fire?
Or are you ice?

Will you love me
or will you haunt me?

Love me so...

Tangled Webs

2010-01-11T09:20:00.003-05:00

I am angry.
Angry because he lies.
Oh, nothing big. (That I know of anyway.)
But why lie?
Why not just communicate?
I don't lie to him.
Even when I know the truth will make him rant and rave.
So why does he feel he has to lie to me?
Then he lies to cover up the lie.

The other day I got home from the Dr. office and my message machine was flashing.
All I heard was Hello? hello?
So I checked the caller ID and it was FIL.
I told him he needs to call his father.
I thought it highly unusual that he called during the week.

Apparently, his father had sent us gift cards for Christmas.
Now I had asked him if FIL sent us a card or a letter for Christmas, as my mother had mentioned she had gotten a nice letter from my FIL at Christmastime.
I hadn't seen anything from him but I figured no biggie because taking care of MIL keeps everyone hopping.
His reply was yes, he sent a card and a short letter.
I still haven't seen it.

He calls his father.
FIL called to ask him why he sent back the gift cards that he had sent to us for Christmas.
He replied that I told you not send us anything this year because of the expenses you have taking care of Mom.

I fully understand that.
It is no big deal.
But why lie?
I asked him specifically if FIL had sent us anything.
He said a short letter.
He never said anything about the gift cards.
He usually sends the boys' cards to our address, too.
So the boys had been asking me at Christmastime if I had heard from Grampa.
I told them no.
I never knew he sent anything.
So why the fuck does he LIE?!?

The gift cards don't matter.
The lie is what is the big issue.

I don't think FIL was offended.
At least I hope he wasn't.

But I am offended.
Offended by the fact that the man I am married to is such a fucking liar.

I asked him why he didn't tell me.
His excuse was that with him working nights and me working days
he didn't see me to tell me.
WHAT?
He certainly was in my line of vision when I asked him if FIL had sent us a card.

The more I think about it, the MADDER I get!!!
I don't usually blog about things like this, but hopefully this will get it out of my system.

You know what happens when people lie to you don't you?
You can't trust them, that's what happens.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T22:45:00.002-05:00

I wish all of you peace this Christmas!

HodgePodge

2009-12-22T10:16:00.002-05:00

Many of us have a favorite toy or two from our childhood days.
You know--the ones you just can't throw out or give away.
About ten years back, I walked into my mother's house
and there on the dining room buffet was my old pal Fluffy.

"Oh, Fluffy! What are you doing with Fluffy, Mom?"

One look at my face and she says:
"I was going to throw him out. Most of his stuffing is gone."

"You aren't going to throw him out! I will take him home with me!"
So my little old white stuffed dog from my childhood days is here along with
the "almost real" little white dog I got when I had my tonsils removed when I was like in second grade.

So when I was hoeing out things upstairs in my own house and YS didn't want me to get rid of Dino the Dinosaur (he's been around forever, Mom), I kept him.
It was one of my daughter's first big toys that she got from her Uncle Paul and Aunt Linda.
It is about four feet tall and stands on all fours.
He is sitting upstairs in the bedroom along with Wile E. Coyote, who stands on two feet and about as tall as Dino.
Like I have room for these guys here!
It is one of those things where the kids say
"You keep them for me, Mom. I don't have room right now."

So
I have decided that as soon as my daughter buys a house,
She is getting Dino and Wile E. as house gifts!
She doesn't know it yet, so don't tell her!
***************************************
In other news, Magill's art teacher says she is quite good.
Magill is very interested in Art.
She is only eleven, but she loves art class.
I told her if she keeps her grades up all through school,
she could get a scholarship or grant for Art School.
She has been on Merit Roll or Honor Roll since grade five
and still going strong.
Shes works hard at school and enjoys it.
She was all excited to think she could go to Art School for free!
It gives her a goal to work for besides the personal satisfaction of making the Honor Roll.
************************************
I still have shopping to do, which hopefully I can finish today.
I was down and out ALL LAST WEEK with my sinus infection.
I called the Dr. last Tuesday, they were booked solid, so he called me in some meds.
I thought I had caught it early enough, that I could go back to work.
Huh!
Not even.
The only time I went out of the house last week was to the post office once, and
to pick up my meds at the pharmacy.
I am still way overtired, but have managed to work this week.
It is crazy!
And of course, no one has cut up dinner bits ahead for the Christmas rush.
Why would they do that?
Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one with brains down there at work.
Like take pumpernickel bread.
In the last three loads of frozen we ordered, my boss only ordered one box for each load.
Yesterday, she decides she won't have enough so she gets two more boxes from another store!
Ya think?!
Dinner bits, kimmelwick rolls, and pumpernickel bread are the mainstay of what all our customers want at this time of year!!
Hello!?!!
Duh.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out!

I only hope my next job I will work with people with brains that know how to use them!
Is that too much to ask????
If I were the conceited type, which I am not, I would think that I was so superior in intelligence to the rest of these people.
But I think I am just in the wrong business.
Don't get me wrong.
I love to bake.
I could bake all day and night.
Just not with stupid people.
They really need to take a course or two in business management.
It doesn't surprise me that our company is bankrupt.
They extended the deadline for liquidation to January 20th.
Like that is going to work.
As of January 1st, all the full time people are eligible for their vacation pay again!
Which is at least, four weeks for each full-time person.
So it will cost the company a lot of money.
Never mind they have a $90 million bid for 56 stores right now.
Whatever.
What they have needed all along is people who work in corporate that have actually worked in the stores first, so they have a feel of what our customers need and want.
And if they had of done that, instead of just concentrating on the figures from our big stores, instead all our stores, then I think we all would have been better off.
But then, no one asked me.
*********************************
My tree has been redecorated about five times and looks goofy.
I also have a plant that is full of decorations that Codeman has pulled off the tree.
But that's okay, he is only 18 months old.
He is learning and it will be a Codeman Christmas this year around here.
I figured there is not much sense in putting out all my decorations this year.
Too tempting for the little guy.

He is such a treasure to me.
I will say to him
"Kisses for Codeman!"
And he will come running to me and give me kisses!
You gotta love it!!

I Just Go Nuts at Christmas

2009-12-14T10:53:00.003-05:00

There is so much to do!
Not just the usual gift wrapping and mailing
Not just decorating
And concerts to attend
Yes, Christmas is just around the corner

But during this season
with all the activities
one still has to clean (I know! UGH!)
work at the soon to be defunct store
take the garbage to the dump (Done!)
burn the papers
feed the critters
fill the bird feeders
all the while somehow fixing meals
lunches (I don't do lunches unless they are take out)
dishes (pots and pans are my downfall)
laundry (which if left unattended, muliltplys while I sleep)
and oh yes!
Somewhere in there
I have to eat
which is least important on my list
I just grab anything
that does not require time
A banana on the way to work
A PBJ for lunch
and my neverending supply of coffee
altho there were a few days last week
when I didn't even have time for that.

Then there are certain things
that I have left too long
and must be attended to
like TODAY
the fish tank...
the ferrets need their toenails cut
before they start breaking off
or curling under so bad they can't walk
the plants and trees need water
all the while keeping in the back of mind
that I am attending a concert tonight.

Meanwhile
the art project I started a couple months ago
hasn't been touched the entire month of December
and it is calling to me
the spare bedroom is almost done being painted
and I NEED to start on the kitchen next (this is a must!!)
after that it will be my bedroom.
All this with Christmas coming!
Thankfully my SIL is hosting Christmas this year!!

On top of all this
I am sick with a massive sinus infection
and had to leave work yesterday
because I was so dizzy and sick
I spent most of the two hours I was there
in the breakroom trying to get my head to stop spinning.
The girls offered to call someone to take me home
but I told them I would drive myself.
My mistake.
It was raining out when I left.
Between the wipers going back and forth
and the car going forward
I could only travel about 30 miles an hour
so my head didn't spin so bad.
Thankfully it wasn't that far
and there was no traffic to speak of.

When I got home
I figured I would go to bed.
Wrong.
One doesn't lay down
with a sinus infection.
At least not this one.
I layed in bed
and instantly my head started spinning off my shoulders
and the pressure from my sinuses increased tenfold.
So I sat up in a chair with my feet propped up.
I really can't sleep in a chair no matter how comfortable it is
but at least I rested.

For the most part
my head isn't spinning
but I have no strength.
Which means it will take me twice
as long to get things done.
Do one thing.
Stop and rest.
Do another thing.
Stop and rest.
The bad thing is
I was going to do my mailing today
and since I am not planning on going out
because I feel too sick to drive
I guess that will have to wait.

There is one really bright spot for me though.
LL came over Saturday and took a look at the stairway.
I have a cracked step.
He said he will build me a new stairway
if I pay for the material
and he will only charge me $50.
Cool beans!

Now if I can just remember to take my three vitamins a day
and get my rest
hopefully I can get all this done before New Year's!

A Place for Us

2009-12-12T15:39:00.004-05:00

Come with me...

Take my hand...

I want you to take a journey with me...

Someplace far away from here...

It is a place where the rules

You have made

for yourself

never existed

("I have rules.")

It is a place

where we will not be

Judged

by others

A place where

we carry

no baggage

and we can

be our true selves.

A place where

you would

give real love

a chance...

Where we could

nurture and flourish

together...

A place where

we could

satisfy each others

wants

needs

desires...

A place where

we could explore

each others

heart

mind

body

soul...

A place

together

where we could

reach the heights

of eternal bliss

and weather

every storm...

Where one was weak

it could depend on the others

strengths...

When one was down

the other would be there

to lift their spirits

and keep them from

the dark abyss..

Where we

would find

pure love

pure adoration

pure devotion

to one another...

So come with me...

Take my hand...

I promise

you won't be

disappointed...

The Weather Outside is.....weird

2009-12-11T22:46:00.004-05:00

The other day I decided to do some more Christmas shopping
But when I got up it was so windy and rainy I thought
Maybe not.

I decided I would wait until after my ten o'clock meeting
I would see what the weather was like.
It was supposed to get nasty in the late afternoon.

The weather had greatly improved
so I cleaned my ferret cage,
ran to the store for more litter
and got ready to go shopping.

I was just getting my boots on
when Purple H. arrived with an
abundance of house plants and trees.
As we were taking them in
I was laughing and saying
that we really need to get
more plant hangar thingies
and hang them all
in various locations around
my house.
It would look like a jungle!
It would be cool!
And then
I said
letting my extreme imagination
run absolutely wild...
(no, I am NOT gonna say we should run around with only fig leaves on)
...we could get small motion-activated monkeys
that rustle the plants
and make monkey noises!!

This got us laughing so hard
we almost dropped the tree
we were carrying in!

Anyhow, where was I?
Oh yeah..
about to embark on
Christmas shopping..
After he left,
I went Christmas shopping
and the sky was turning dark.

I promised myself I would
go shopping in PA
keeping an eye on the weather.

I hit a bit of rain
as I crossed the state line
but I could see the sun trying
to break through the clouds.

When I left the first store
it started to thunder and lightning.
When I hit the second store
I could hear the rain coming down
and the thunder crashing.

How cool is this?
I thought to myself.
I have never gone Christmas shopping
in a thunder storm before!

When I was finished shopping
the sun was shining
and the temperature was warmer
than when I started.
As I started home,
I thought what strange weather
we are having for December.
As I neared the state line
I noticed the sky getting darker and darker.

By the time I crossed the state line
it started to rain, then sleet.
Now that is more like December.
Okay, maybe November.
Cuz today's weather is really more like December.

I arrived home
safe and sound
a little (okay, moderately) poorer
but a whole lot happier.

Six presents left to buy!

Closing

2009-11-25T09:33:00.002-05:00

The parent company that owns all our stores are selling out.
According to the letter mailed to me, I will no longer be employed by them on or before Feb 13.
As one of my co-workers said-Merry effing Christmas...

This is all I need!!!

Observations

2009-11-14T08:39:00.004-05:00

What ever happened to the promises of yesterday and tomorrow?
What has happened to the promise of today?
What ever happened to forever?
How long is forever anyways?

What has happened to the rainbows after the storms?
What ever happened to the carefree days of splashing joyously through the puddles?
What has happened to the promise of the future?

Why can't I go back to in time?
Why can't I see what is happening?
Why can't I fix it and make it go away?

Why does love have to hurt?
Why does it leave such an empty void?
Why do I feel so lost?

Why am I left to pick up all the broken pieces?
Can I fix it?
Do I want to?

If I could touch the dark clouds
would they go away?
Should I be dancing in the rain?

If I went to sleep
and woke up again
would things be
the same?
Do I want them to be?

How do I get from here to there?

Will I ever find the answers?

Yesterday and Today

2009-11-08T20:55:00.003-05:00

This summer when my brother was here
we recreated a picture of the four of us
that my mother had taken back
when we were kids.
My baby brother was four!
I was about nine.

We stood in the same spot in my mother's yard
in front of the same bird feeder
with my older brother in back
my sister and I in front of him
and my little brother in front of us.

When we got our pictures back
it was really interesting.
In the old picture
I had my hair pulled back.
In the new picture, I had my hair pulled back.
In the old picture, I was wearing sandals.
In the new picture I was too.

My sister had bangs in the old picture.
She has bangs in the new one.
She wore gymshoes in the old one.
Gymshoes in the new one.

My brothers looked about the same
only older.
My little brother is over six feet tall
so in order for him to be in the same
spot he was in the first picture
he had to kneel down.
My older brother stands behind us
as our leader and protecter in both
pictures.

We had a lot of fun
that day this summer
renewing old memories
the four of us
together again.

Insane

2009-11-02T08:03:00.004-05:00

I want someone who won't care that I never wear shoes in the summer, that I am incapable of staying still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning & I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that half the decisions I make, I'll regret, & I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows I am completely insane and wouldn't want me any other way....

I found this somewhere on the 'net.

Stop the World...I want to get off!

2009-10-28T08:24:00.004-04:00

So I get up
and pour myself a cup of coffee.
I had been asleep
for about two hours
and needed to wake up
so we could go eat.

As I was sitting at the table
I said
Remind me to start my laundry
when we get home.
I need work clothes for tomorrow.

He says
Get your stuff together
and start it now
and put it in the dryer when we get home.

Call me crazy,
but I all I wanted to do
was set down
wake up
drink my coffee in peace.

Like I said
I was exhausted.
I figured I would have
more energy
if I just had coffee
went and ate
and then came home
to do laundry.

On top of that
I had reached my limit
of being interrupted
every single time
I wanted to just set
and gather energy.

So we went back and forth
because he just can't seem
to understand me at all.

My whole point was
I am screaming at him
is to set down and have
a cup of coffee without
interruption for once!

His theory was that if
I was tired now
I would be more tired later
and so start the laundry now.

Don't argue with me
ever
when I am
on the brink
of exhaustion.

I do not tire easily
and it is not often
I get this way.

So dinner out was canceled
and I started laundry
and went over to OS
to let the dog out.

I was pissed and came back
and told him
I wasn't going to the city
with him on Monday.

I wanted that time off work
to myself.
Monday morning rolls around
and I got up about 8:30.

Fifteen minutes later,
the phone rings.

It was my mom.

She had been having back problems
and she kept getting
muscle spasms.
I got dressed
drove to Mom's
called her chiroprator
no luck there
called her regular doctor
to ask him to phone in
a prescription to the pharmacy
drove down and picked that up
came back, fixed lunch
and stayed until 6:30
when my sister came
to stay with mom.

As it was
she did have
an appointment with
the chiropractor on Wed.
So I called my boss,
asked her to trade my hours
or give them away for Wed.
so I could take her to get
her back taken care of.

I worked Tuesday all day
took Mom to the back doctor Wed,
took her out for lunch,
and went back to her house.
She napped while I vacuumed,
swept, and did a few dishes.
She got up about 4,
so I asked her if she
had stuff to make apple crisp.
She did.
So I made a double batch of that
cuz I knew my sister would be over
and more than likely my neice,
and hey!
I was coming back on Friday
so maybe there would be some left!

Her back is quite a bit better,
and she has been instructed by
her daughters
to take it easy.
She has one more appointment
on Friday
and I told her I would take her.

Meanwhile, last night
I was eating a cookie
and my tooth
broke in half.
Thank goodness it was a back tooth
on the inside.

You see what I mean?
Maximus Overloadme?

If you happen to see
some crazy lady
with wild hair
running down the street
with her arms flailing
well,
not to worry!
Itisi.

Stop the World....

2009-10-27T07:52:00.006-04:00

Lately I have been on Maximus Overloadme.
In the last three weeks,
I have gone from working 24 hours a week
to working over 40 for two weeks
and 50 for one week.
This week I started out with 30 and am down to 26.

And all I want to do is
take one whole day off without any obligations.
You see, that's the whole trouble.
I don't forsee anything
and am looking forward to a day off,
and then the phone rings.
With 8 grandchildren
and an 82 year old mother,
answering the phone is not an option.

The first week
it is was younger son.
Wanted a babysitter
so he could go to the Halloween thingie at DL.
Will I deny him?
Heck no!!
I could never afford
to take my kids when they were younger
and it sounded like the coolest thing!
In fact,
if I wasn't babysetting
and I knew someone was going,
I would have gone myself!
So I babysat and of course,
took care of their dog too.
She always comes with the kids
cuz she is bad if she is left alone.

The following Monday,
I dog sat for them
while they went to GF's dad's
to put plastic on the house for the winter.
Only thing is,
they forgot to pick up the dog.
They were trying to get the house done
before Magill got home from school,
and in their hurry they forgot to pick up the dog.
Not much of a biggie there.
'Cept I had to listen
to him bitch about how could they forget the dog,
next thing you know they will forget their kids, blah, blah, blah...
I know for a fact there is not a chance they would do that.

Then last Tuesday, the phone at work is for me.
OS.
Can you run gas money
down to GF so she can get to work?
Her vehicle was running rough
and used more gas than she expected,
so she was short,
but she could pay me back with her tips from the bar
later that evening. (She works two jobs.)
So I punched out for lunch
an hour after I got to work
and ran money down to her.
Hehehe...
he doesn't know about that one,
so I didn't have to listen to him.
And she did pay me back that night.

Friday, the phone rings at work.
It is for me.
YS.
I was trying to talk to Dad and he is being an asshole.
What about?
Everything.
What do you want?
We need a sitter for tonight cuz a bunch of us are going to a haunted house.
My friend got $3 off tickets and he is driving so it won't cost us any gas.

Well
By this time my ass is dragging.
I have worked my ass off
trying to get done on time
cuz I am tired of staying over
and I am just plain dog-ass tired anyhow
so I tell him I will call him back when I get home.

So I get home,
go round and round with him about babysetting and other stuff,
call YS back,
tell him to bring the kids,
bring diapers,
bring the pack and play for Codeman to sleep in.
This is when he tells me
the kids will have to spend the night,
cuz the people they are riding with are not coming back
from the city until Saturday.
Whatever.

By 4 p.m. the next afternoon
when they stopped to get the kids but not the dog,
I was exhausted.
The dog stayed (and by the way, is STILL here)
cuz they were going to Sis's
three hours away
cuz she was having a Halloween Party for everyone.

OS and family went also
so while they were gone
I had to let their dog in and out
to go to the bathroom.
He gave me the key to his house for this.

So anyhow,
by the time YS picked up his kids
I had renamed Codeman.
I call him White Lightning.
Because he has white blond hair
and travels the speed of lightning around the house.
I seriously think he is hyper-active.
I mean,
back and forth,
back and forth,
through the house,
from one thing to another
all day long.
The only thing he sat still for
was when the scanner was turned on.
He would sit on his Papa's lap
and stare at the lighted box on the shelf
and try to figure out how the thing talked.
It was kinda funny!

So when the grandkids left at 4,
I went to bed and took a nap.
He wakes me up
and asks me if I want to go after groceries,
which just means I follow him around the store while he buys groceries.
(Now, I KNOW what is wrong with this picture here,
you really don't need to tell me.)
No, I would rather sleep.
Okay.
An hour later,
he walks in and turns on the light.
Wake up
and let's go get something to eat
so we don't have to cook.
At this point,
I would much rather just sleep
until I have to get up for work the next day.
Sleep, sleep, sleep.
I remind myself that I am indeed half-starved,
because the more stress I have in my life
the less I eat.
And the past three weeks
I really haven't eaten all that much.
I tell myself
to drag my weary overtired ass out of bed.
It would be nice to just go somewhere
and eat a leisurely meal
in peace and quiet.

Ha!
Like there is peace and quiet around here.
I should have stayed in bed......

to be continued...I have to get ready for work...

Mama's Gun

2009-10-19T14:53:00.002-04:00

I am sooo in denial...

When I was a kid
and found out
that my mama
owned her own gun
I thought to myself that
it was the coolest thing
in the whole world!

I told myself
that someday
I would own Mama's gun.

So last night
while visiting my mom
we got to talking
about hunting and guns.
And gun repairs.

That is when she told me
that the .410 that she had
she gave to my brother.
My brother asked
if he could have her gun.
She said yes
but it needed repair.
So he took the gun
to a guy he knew
and the guy couldn't locate
a part, so he made one.
My brother has been using
the gun ever since.

I exclaimed
So that's where your gun is!
Poop!
I slammed my fist on the chair.
I wanted your gun!

My mom looked kind of suprised.
She said
she didn't know
I wanted her gun.

I laughed and said
Oh well!
At least it is in the good hands
of my little brother!

But on the way home
I had tears in my eyes.
And I told myself
not to be silly.
I certainly
wasn't angry
that my little brother
got mom's gun.
I didn't feel
any jealousy.
I was just being silly.
I was feeling bad
because I was way
overtired from working
45-50 hours a week
for the food show.
(That's a whole 'nother post!)
And to be honest
I never told my mom
that I wanted her gun
someday.

But, hey.
I feel like I lost something.
I guess I did.
I lost the dream
of owning my
Mama's gun.

Caught in the Breeze

2009-10-15T14:55:00.002-04:00

I sit here in total darkness
With a soft breeze blowing
My favorite music playing in the background
Of my mind.

I feel as light as a feather
As I so very slowly
Begin to meld myself
With notes in the music
And I float through the air.

I am caught by the breeze
Invisible as such
Something you can feel
But not be able to touch
And vice versa...

I sneak into your room
Parting the window's curtains
Mingling with the blue swirling
Smoke of the sweet and spicy incense.

I ride the waves of the breeze
With unlimited freedom
Sprinkled with musical notes
Twinkling stars
Following the moonlight
Till I reach a shadow
Where I blend in completely,
Where a soft breeze is blowing
With my favorite music
Playing
In the background
Of my mind.

Glaze

2009-09-29T16:16:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning with something on my mind
that he had said a few days earlier.

What he said was
he wished I would get my own (health) insurance.
Actually he said I need to.
I am like WTF?

He had my last Dr. bill out
and was complaining what we still owed.
He knows my insurance isn't the greatest
and it only covers one Dr. visit a year
and then it only covers up to $75.
He knows why
I had to have two colonoscopies
in the last three years.

So I snapped
and said maybe it is just cheaper to get cancer then,
I don't know!
Then he said
he couldn't afford to get his eyes examined
and get new glasses now.
That stung!

And that
is what I woke up feeling bad about
and also feeling guilty.
(I know, I shouldn't feel guilty.)

He was gone,
so I took a look at the amount
in our (his) medical account statement.
We (he) has,
now hold on--get this,
$3,300 and some change left in there.

I am pissed!!!
Cuz like, last I knew,
the eye exam and glasses,
depending on what you get,
is around $250-$300.

When he gets home all sweet and nice to me
I tell him I mad at him.
Then I tell him why.

Now, I mentally prepared myself ahead of time:

Beware of a bullshit story.
Beware of him not directly answering a question,
other wise known as talking in circles.
Beware that somehow he will make it sound like
it is still all your fault.

So he started with
I didn't mean it.
And went to
and this is my favorite,
The less I use, the more rolls over into my retirement.

Then,
after seeing me standing there
with my hand on my hip
and glaring at him,
he went to
I thought your insurance would cover more.
Where I immediately pointed out
that he knew damn well it didn't.

And I went on to tell him
that what he said made me feel awful
and here I was feeling bad cuz
he said he couldn't afford glasses
cuz of my med bills!
And finished with
You know we have issues as it is,
so don't bullshit me.
You make me feel
like you don't want to support me at all!
You want me to get my own insurance?
Fine! I will!

There just happen to be
two full-time jobs listed in the paper
for office assistants.
I applied for both of them.
Mailed out my resume today.

I quit getting my hopes up
a long time ago
when it comes to applying for jobs,
but that won't keep me from still applying!

Marriage should be the frosting, not the glaze.

HB: EJ

Bittersweet

2009-09-06T10:51:00.002-04:00

Where did the time go?!?
It is September already
so I guess that means that summer is over.
That always makes me sad in a way,
especially since this Summer the weather was all weirded out
and there were no lazy hazy crazy days like I am used to.

Last Saturday I had the honor
of attending the 101st birthday party held for my Great-Aunt.
It was a bitter-sweet occasion.
My daughter was able to drive out for the party
which I was thrilled about.

When we got to party headquarters
my GA was seated at the head of the table
with a beautiful corsage pinned to her blouse.
On the table in front of her
was a massive matching bouquet of roses in a lovely vase.
When my daughter greeted her
she asked her how she was feeling.
GA replied she felt like she was 100.
I said another words she is not feeling her age,
since she is 101!
Later, I asked GA how she was doing.
She said she was lazy.
We all laughed!

We ate, we took pictures,
we caught up with the Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins.
The party part was sweet.

The news of my Uncle,
who attended the party,
was not so sweet.
My Aunt told me
he has a cancerous tumor on his esophagus,
and the following Tuesday
he had to go to the Cancer Center
in a city two hours away.
It isn't good.
He didn't have this tumor two months ago
and now it is so big he can hardly swallow.
He is at home now on a feeding tube, etc., etc.

Now my Aunt is a retired RN.
She knows how serious his condition is.
I have to admire her.
She is also in charge of the care of GA.

So here she is putting on this party for GA
all the while knowing her husband has this cancer
and two days from the party,
both their lives will change
and harsh reality will set in for them.
But here she is,
acting like all is well,
being the perfect hostess.

I did get a chance to talk to her for a bit.
She said with a determination
that they will beat this cancer that my Uncle has!
She had redone the entire motor home this past Spring,
and they were going to use it!
No tears for her, just pure determination!

Meanwhile back in the 'burg,
in my own personal life,
he got his stitches out
and still has to go to therapy three times a week.
At least the therapy is local and not two hours away.
He does have to go back for a checkup at the end of the month.
I will go with him.
I told my mom it is worth the trip
just to see the handsome doctor he has!
I had to keep myself from drooling the last time,
with the handsome doctor standing before me
all golden brown with his summer tan!

Oh!
He can drive himself around now,
so I don't have to be his personal taxi anymore.
What a relief!

A couple weeks ago,
I applied for a full-time position.
I still haven't heard anything
and that is just another disappointment for me.
I need a full-time job!
Working part-time is for the birds,
but better than nothing.
It is just frustrating for me!

I haven't seen my camera
since GA's party
and I will be in BIG trouble
if I don't find it soon!
I hope I didn't leave it somewhere!

I better go for now.
I can hear the ferrets getting in the bathroom wastebasket
and they will have it all over the place if I don't go move it out of there!

Enough Already!

2009-08-29T12:52:00.001-04:00

Just

Shoot me

Driving (me crazy)

2009-08-25T22:39:00.003-04:00

It turns out I didn't end up in either place.
I didn't get a houseful of bees.
There was only one bee in the house the following morning.
I haven't seen a bee in the house since.

I did notice last Saturday that the bees that fly in and out of the outside part of the entry way were bringing something out.
I observed them through the screen door.
Every bee that flew in, would fly out with something.
Whatever it was, it appeared to bee some kind of gray colored matter.
My mom suggested maybe it was dead bees or possibly the baby bees.
And we still have that huge nest in the basement full of bees.

Today I managed to find a bee spray that goes on as a foam and says it will seal the bees in their nest.
I am not sure I believe it, but some guy at his work suggested it.
He has not used it yet.

Last Thursday he got his wrist operated on for carpel tunnel.
It is a long story.
Three years ago December, he got his hand caught in a hydraulic machine at his job.
After many visits, X-rays, nerve testing (twice) by two different doctors in two different cities, therapy, etc., and he was still getting pain.
All this time, the only thing they found out for sure was he had carpel tunnel, quite severe and they thought if they could operate, this might help relieve the pain.
They figure the injury aggravated the carpel tunnel.
So he is on comp for the next six weeks at least.
No peace and quiet for me. At all. Unless he takes a pain pill and falls asleep.
The real "joy" is that from last Thursday until the Dr. says, he cannot drive.

He has never liked my driving although I have been driving since I was twenty-one.
So I have to run him around for stuff.
So far, he has been pretty decent about it, although he still tells me when to stop, go, turn, slow down, etc., etc.
Like I am on a permit.
I bite my tongue and tell myself that this won't last forever.
How long he can't drive is up to the Dr.
He goes back on Monday.
I only hope I can keep my mouth shut for that long.

Bees (still)

2009-08-18T19:45:00.003-04:00

Um...
Did I mention the bees are yellowjackets?

Uh...
And the nest has been found?
I told you they were Puerto Ricans!!
The nest is in the basement behind a divider wall
way up in the dark corner.
It measures about 18 inches longer and about a foot wide.

I suggested to him to call a bee guy.
But Mr. T---- Wad probably doesn't want to spend the money.
He says "he thinks" he can get them and the nest too.
With bee spray.
Uh huh.

I told him then he will have to wear long pants and socks and duck tape the pantlegs to the ankle.
Same with a long sleeve shirt duct taped at the wrist.
Tuck in shirt.
Wear his cameoflauged netting that goes over his face he uses for turkey hunting and a hat to cover his ears.

I have already decided to take the ferret cage outside so when the bees make their way upward to our living quarters they will not be sleeping with bees in their blankets.
Don't laugh!
I found a bee floating in the water of the fish tank tonight already!
And the tank is covered except for where the filter goes in.

So I figure
by the size of that bees nest
and the fact that
he won't call a bee guy
added to you all know
I am going to get a houseful
of bees,
well,
I figure by this time tomorrow night
I will either be in jail for murder,
or setting in a hospital room,
covered in bee stings!

A very Bezzzzy summer

2009-08-15T15:41:00.003-04:00

First off, I would like to know
how National City Bank got my phone number.
Very weird.

We don't have a National City Bank
in our county or the next,
in fact,
I have never heard of them.

They weren't even looking for me or mine.
No, they called my house
and said
they were trying to get hold of my neighbor,*Lena*,
across the street.

Said they have been calling her
and calling her and no one answered the phone.
Could I write down this number
and give it to her and have her call them?

So I did.
Thinking HUH?
The woman across the street is 80 if she's a day,
so I thought, whatever,
maybe I should go over and see if everything is ok.
Which it was, thank goodness.

So I give her the number and the message
while both of us were scratching our heads
trying to figure out how NCB got my number.

And how did they know I was her neighbor?

Now down to the business of the summer.
Or should I say the beeznus of the summer.

That's right--BEES.
A shitload of yellow jackets
decided to set up camp
on my front porch.

And not just anywhere.
In the entry way part right where you need to bee :)
to open the front door.

Now anyone that knows me,
knows that I DO NOT LIKE BEES.
I can deal with a few here and there--
but they really BUG ME OUT!

At first Foxy and I could sit on the porch
on the opposite side
and they wouldn't bother me.

But they must be Puerto Rican
or something cuz
they brought all their realitives with them
to live on my front porch!

I quit using the front door
and warned everyone that came
to watch the bees.

Eight years ago
we had bees in the same place
so we sprayed them but good!
Five minutes later, I had a house FULL of bees.
I hid in the bathroom,
while YS and he killed them all.
Took them an hour and half!

So this time, I said to him,
"Don't spray the bees."
So he didn't.
Then Lexi got stung.
He still didn't.
Then he got stung.

And the next time I worked all day,
he sprayed the bees.

During the day.

While most of them were out.

Nothing happened inside the house.

Still, I kept telling him,
"Don't spray the bees."

So a few days before he left to visit his parents,
he sprayed them again.
Nothing happened.

Until a few days after he left,
there was a bee or two in windows inside the house.

By the time he got back ten days later,
I had killed eight.

Three days after he got back,
we got into an argument over them.

So again he sprayed them while I was work.

Now I have eight or ten bees at time
that come in from who knows where
so I told him just to spray the damn things
and get it over with.

Will he spray them?
No, he doesn't feel like it.

Fuck that.

I will spray the suckers myself tonight after dark.

And if lucky stars are on my side,
the bees will descend inside the house tomorrow
while I am at work!!! LOL

HB Woodstock *40*
Peace
Love
Music

Summer Girl

2009-08-04T11:16:00.005-04:00

Mermaid days and moonlit nights
Barefoot,
Dancing in the sand
Sunkissed hair brushed by the breeze
Your laughter ringing through the trees.

Summer girl
Where have you gone?

You catch Rainbow kisses
Harbor
Secret wishes
While Wind and Waves
Speak to your soul.

Always,
Your footprints
Leading
To the sea.

Summer Girl?
Where have you gone?

Are you somewhere
In the moonlight
Riding high upon the waves?
Collecting all your broken dreams,
Dumping them into their graves?

Or singing with the dophins
Or
Riding a seahorse,
Perhaps?

I see you in the sunset
I see you right at dawn
Oh, Summer Girl?
Where have you gone?

Are you a changling
From the sea?

Or are you
Just
A part of me?

Far Beyond

2009-07-31T23:43:00.002-04:00

You've gone
Far beyond the darkness
Far beyond the fog
When I thought I saw you
clearly
I could hardly see you
at all

I thought I got to know you
But I knew
you didn't know me
I thought I knew
what made you tick
Although you might
disagree.

Then one day
I realized
you were slowly
fading away
No matter how hard
I tried
You couldn't seem
to stay

And then I took
another look
And listened to what
you had to say.

You closed some doors
I closed my eyes
But I couldn't
close my heart.
Even though
I really know
we each follow
our own
navigation chart.

So even though
You have gone
Far beyond the darkness
And way beyond the fog
I'll be waiting for you
quietly
On this side
of the fog.

Have a Good One!

2009-07-04T18:12:00.002-04:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!
I really hope you all have a happy and safe holiday.

As for me,
I don't have any special plans.
I could have gone out on the lake and watched fireworks,
but I get scared being in a boat,
surrounded by all that water.
I am happy that my son and his family can all be out there
enjoying the fireworks, though!

I did get invited to a cook-out today.
It started at one p.m. and is still going on.

The fact is,
I worked all day,
and just got out at five.
I am tired and my freaking knee hurts.
Has been since last night.
Kinda wears one on ya when you've been on your feet all day.

Plus it is so nice and quiet here.
It makes me want to take a nap.

I just plan on staying home tonight.
It is really no big deal to me.

As far as fireworks go,
I may miss tonights, or not,
depending on if the ball park
puts some on.

Plus, next Saturday,
we are having our fireworks here in the 'burg.
The fair is coming to town
and on the last day there will be a parade and fireworks.
I can stand out in the street and see those.
Or watch them from the beer tent. :)

Whatever you do for today, I hope you all enjoy it!!!

Just Another Day in the 'burg

2009-06-25T22:04:00.003-04:00

What did I do today?
Hmmm....
Let's see...

For starters
I got up
at 5 a.m.
Grabbed some coffee
Went to babyset

By 6 a.m.
I had put Codeman
back to sleep
and fell asleep
myself.

By 7 a.m.
I heard Magill
get up for school.

By 9 a.m.
the two little ones
were up
and Magill would be home soon.
It is the last day of school.

Between 9 and 10
I fed the little ones
dry Lucky Charms
and slices of cheese.

Magill helped
me pack the
diaper bag with
two changes of clothes
for the little ones.

I made a bottle for
Codeman
called A to
find out where
there was another carseat
and set off to my house
with the three kids.
I got to my house
only to discover
I left the bottle
and the formula
at YS.
With no key.

Between 10:30 and 12:30
I watched Magill
practice training
the dogs.

She wants to become a dog trainer.
She is eleven.
For some reason
the dogs
listen to her.

At 12:30 I washed
the two little ones
changed the diapers
and put them both
in clean outfits.

Magill had a Dr. appointment
at 1:30 so she also got ready.
She needed a physical
to enter sixth grade.

When we got there
we only had to wait
a few minutes.
So we checked out their fish tank
which contained a couple of clownfish.

When Lexi, who is two,
saw the clownfish,
she started yelling
"Emo! Emo!"

She had looked
through the book
about "Nemo"
earlier today.

When Magill went in for her physical
the nurse thought I was Magill's mother!
She said I looked way to young to be a gramma.

I fed the little ones
animal crackers
while Magill got
her physical.

After that was over,
I decided to take the kids
to Mickey D's.
They could eat and play there for a bit.

After about an hour there,
we came home to wait
for their mom to pick them up.

When we got here
I went to my bedroom
to put my purse away.

Something was different.
My bedroom door
is now propped against
the dresser.

I have no idea what happened there
I will have to ask him
when he gets home from work.

At 4 the kids were picked up
by their mom.

As I was making coffee,
a friend stopped by to
drop something off.
I went out on the front porch
to talk with him a few minutes.

I told him my grandkids
had just left.
He asked me if I needed my back rubbed.
I told him no, but thanks for offering.

Here I am, still covered in Mickey D's ketchup
that Codeman managed to get all over.
My living room is full of
baby blankets, cushions,
and toddler toys.

And not one,
but two ferrets
in separate cages.

Don't ask!
And I plan on telling him
when he gets home,
that he does not see two ferrets
and two cages
he is just seeing double! :)

Yup.
Just another day in the 'burg.

Rain

2009-06-22T15:00:00.002-04:00

My sister sells skin care products and cosmetics
so a few of us girls decided we would have a facial
and become familiar with the products she is selling.

Some of the "girls" included my best friend "D" and my mom.
We had a good time laughing and giggling,
plus we all bought a few things.
"D" bought some tinted lip gloss with spf
in it because she swears her lips are sunburned.
I told her either that,
or she has been smooching too much with her boyfriend!

Then D and I decided since it was supposed to rain all day Saturday,
we may as well hang out together
and go shopping for Father's Day.
Neither one of our father's are still living
but she wanted to get something for her FIL.
I just wanted to get out of the house.

Saturday morning we had downpours!
I sat and watched it out the living room window.
All morning it rained.
All morning traffic kept going by my house.
Where is everyone going in the rain?
And why is there so much traffic today?
Whatever.

The rain let up and D came and picked me up to go shopping.
We headed off to WalMart.
Twice.

The first time we went through the village toward town.
Seems the road was flooded.
Beings how we had a four wheel drive,
we slowly drove through it,
figuring we would turn on the highway to avoid even more flooding up ahead.
Wrong.
They blocked the highway road off
and were going to block off the way we just came.
So we quickly turned around and yes,
went slowly back through the water,
to head out the same way D had come in.
Told ya we had a lot of rain!

So we are gabbing and laughing
and telling each other how we should have realized the road had flooded out
and that is why there was so much freaking traffic going by my house.
It was the only other way out.

Then I realize that D has gone through the neighboring town
and had turned on a road that floods every single time it rains practically.
I didn't say nothing.
Never mind I kept trying to look around the car ahead of us
to see how soon we would be hitting water.

As soon as she sees the water she wonders why
she picked this street of all streets
when she knows this one always floods.
I grinned.
So we slowly go through this water too.
Only this time it wasn't so bad
because we could still see the lines in the road
so we knew how deep it was.

We get to WalMart and find nothing we want
so we go to KMart where she found something nice for her FIL.
Then we decide it is too early to go home yet,
so stop at Sally Ann's to check out their clothes.
I need some pants for work.
I have exactly one pair left.
Saturday morning the dog chewed
two pieces of my pant leg off my least favorite pair.

So we checked out the whole store.
I looked for jeans for work.
Nothing.
I looked at shorts for work.
Found three pair.
Two different sizes.
Then I checked out slacks.
Found a couple pair.
A third size.
I have no idea what size I take anymore.

I tried them all on
and the only thing that fit
was a pair of capri's that were on the hanger in the dressing room
that I hadn't even brought in.
And that was one size smaller
than the smallest size I had picked out.
The only things is....
I don't like the way capri's look on me.
My legs are too long and skinny
and look more so in capris.

I did find a brown stoneware coffee pot
that will go nicely with my two brown stoneware mugs.
So I bought that.
D bought some lawn chairs for her son.

We had a lot of fun shopping.
It was a good way to spend a rainy Saturday!

Just Breathe

2009-06-17T13:57:00.003-04:00

Does real love die?
What is real love?
Does it last forever?

Today I had to do something I didn't really like so good.
As a result, I am stomping down all my emotions and doing my best to hide from them
I feel sad, angry, helpless, hopeless.
On the other hand, I am proud of myself for standing up for me.

I feel guilty.
For no reason.
And yes, it is a looong story that many of you do not know.

This may be a mixed up bunch of words for the rest of you.
For me, it is therapy.

I almost cried when he walked out the door and up the street instead of asking me to take him up to the garage to get his truck.
I really thought he had the truck here.

Maybe he really thought I would say no, or maybe he didn't want me to take him.
I guess, too, it was the look on his face--a mix of pouty, mad, hurt.
You know it hurts me to make people feel this way.
Whether they deserve it or not.
It is so much easier to say something hurtful when one is fighting with the other.
That is just it.
It wasn't a fight.

I would call it:
The Truth

I told him I was not going to California with him.
OK.
It started out like this:
Can you get your vacation for those days?

Now I knew this was coming either today or tomorrow and I started to fidget.
And I said:
Yes, I can get those days off.
I am just not sure that I want to go.
For a number of reasons.

Now I am thinking if he has listened at all to me over the past few months then he knows exactly what I am talking about.

He says not looking at me:
This might be the last time you will see my mother alive.

And I am all:
So what's the difference?
You never go see my mother and she is 80 years old.
You haven't even gone with me to see her on Mother's Day for the last five years or so.

He says:
I go see your mother once in a while.

I let it go for a bit and then:
You do know why I don't want to go, don't you.

Yeah, cuz of the way I acted last time we went.

Yes.
So why would I want to go and possibly get into that situation again?

And then he says:
It won't happen again.
And adds:
As far as I know.

So right there is the escape clause for him.

And my mind is all yelling:
Don't go!
You will end up hating yourself!!

So I say that to him:
Well, I am not taking the chance.
Cuz if it did, I would end up hating myself for the rest of my life.

And then he starts:
I bust my ass for..

Where I interupt:
You bust your ass for what?
So you can take me on vacation that you plan and I follow?
You never even ask me.
You just plan.
Why don't we do anything I want to do?
I have always wanted to go to the Blue Heron Festival
and you won't go with me there.

HE says:
Yeah, and that costs what?
$90 a day?
For what?
To walk around?

And I am thinking:
And flying me to S. California for ten days isn't expensive?
And I don't even want to go.

I said:
You are paying for the live music.
I have always loved live music, whether it is country or rock.

Him:
Then go to the Blue Heron Festival!

And I am like:
Right! You know I have to work those days.
It is the fourth of July!
(I could go at night after work, but I won't go at night by myself.)

He is like:
Yeah, you have to work.

Then he gets mad and says:
Fine then! Do what the fuck you want to do!

And for once he didn't add: You do anyways.

I tell him:
You know, I could be saying--Oh, don't go out to your mother's for vacation.
Stay here, and do something we both want to do.
It's not fair!
I am telling you, to go see your mother.
You deserve to go.
You have my blessing.
But don't make me go.
I won't enjoy it anyways.

He's all:
Fine!
You go your way and I will go mine.
I won't do anything with you.
I won't ask you to do anything with me.

Then he got ready for work and left.
And I wanted to cry.
I am a tenderheart.
Very tender.

And I put my book down on the table and said to myself that I am not even going there.
Not today, not tomorrow, not next week.
I am not gonna cry and make an issue out this.
This is something I had to do for me.
And I didn't cry.

I am glad I said that I wasn't going.
But I also know that is was a turning point in my marriage.
The good thing is:
I know in my heart that this had to happen.

There will changes this summer when he gets back.
Possible even before he leaves.

Do I feel bad?
Hell, yeah.
But I would feel worse if I went and treated me the way he treated me last time.

So for now?

Just breathe

Come on and Dance with me

2009-06-15T16:44:00.002-04:00

Will you take
my hand
and
dance with me?

Dance
until
the darkness
goes away?

Dance until my heart
no longer feels
any
pain?

Dance
until the
dawn
once again
nourishes my soul?

Come on and dance with me

Dance with me
until my true love gazes
into
my eyes

Come on and dance with me

And make
the
darkness
go
away

Come on and dance with me

this

one

last

time.

PARTY TIME IN P.A.!!!

2009-06-12T22:55:00.002-04:00

They be partying in Pittsburg tonight!!!
For the second time in four months!!
The Pittsburg Penguins just won the Stanley Cup!!

Rock on!!!
Party on!!!

Turtle Time

2009-06-07T21:07:00.003-04:00

About two weeks ago,
my friend D from work was saying
she took her grandson to the pet store to buy a turtle.
The only turtles they had cost $150!
She said she didn't know what kind it was.
She said it had a pretty shell that looked something like a sand dollar.
Needless to say, her gs did not get a turtle that day.

Jokingly, I said she could come down to the 'burg
and get one out the swamp or near the river.
She laughed and said no thanks
but asked Steve when he was on his travels
if he could find one for her gs.

Soooooooo
Tonight after work I took Foxy for a walk.
It was just supposed to be up one sidestreet and down the other.

But..
On the other sidestreet
a woman was walking her little dog, Maggie
who was not a happy camper
that Foxy was walking down the cross street.
Instead of turning up the street Maggie was on,
I just kept going straight to take the long way around.
I figured it would be easier on Maggie's owner and all.

Foxy and I got as far as where
there is a mowed path that is quite wide
and goes through some trees
with a small creek running through it.
I was on the street looking down the mowed path to my right,
when I saw something that looked like it might be a turtle shell.

As we got closer, I realized it was a turtle.
Probably about six or eight inches long
and three or four inches wide.
I pointed it out to Foxy.
She ignored it until it started to move.
Then she was all interested in it.

It dawned on me that D's gs wanted a turtle.
I didn't know if Steve had gotten him one or not.
I turned around and walked back to the street
and was going to leave it there.
Then I thought
if Nico wants a turtle,
then Nico shall have one.

So Fox and I went back down the path
and I picked the turtle up with my sweatshirt
and wrapped it up and casually carried it home.

I had no idea what kind of turtle this was.
If it turned out to be a snapping turtle I would take it back immediately.

So I get home and said to him
Do you know what kind of turtle this is?
He says
No, but I do know that snapping turtles have a spiked type of tail.

By this time, the turtle had withdrawn into its shell
so I was holding onto it and poking my finger into the shell.
He's all
Don't be putting your finger in there!
You could get bit!!

I am like
Dude!
I was born and raised in the country!
(Like he doesn't know this already)
I am not about to be poking my finger into the front of the shell!
I happen to be poking his backside!!
And I turned the shell around and told him
Look in there, you can see his head .
I am poking his backside!
Duh.

I put the turtle in an empty garbage can
and put some hay in it
while I went online to see what kind of turtle I had.
It is indeed a painted turtle!

So I called D and she said
No, Nico hadn't gotten a turtle yet.

I told her my story and she laughed
and said if I could keep it tonight,
that she will go after work tomorrow
and get what Nico needs to keep a turtle.
So I fixed the turtle up a nice little place with water and stones,
hay and grass,
some veggies and fruit chopped up for tonight.

And tomorrow Nico will have his turtle!

Personally, I am glad it wasn't a snapper.
Cuz if it was,
I wouldn't be taking it back to where I found it
carrying it in my sweatshirt!!!!

Life's Mysteries

2009-06-05T14:08:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I sit and ponder about the mystery of life's twists and turns.
I wonder if there is any rhyme or reason to it.
Or is it just that we humans are to ignorant to figure it out?

Why is it the woman who so desparately wants children, can't conceive?

Why do so many people that are so intelligent in school, have no common sense?

Why is it that the woman who loves her husband with all her heart,
that that husband has found a girlfriend?
Why wouldn't it happen to the woman who no longer
was in love with her husband?

Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?
Why can't it just be simple and straightforward?

Why does it have to hurt?

How and when did it get so complicated?

Why??

A Great One Has Crossed Over

2009-06-04T18:03:00.002-04:00

Rest in peace, David Carradine.
You were a great actor.
You will be greatly missed.

Sunday Stuff

2009-05-31T20:57:00.003-04:00

I don't usually wake up hungry in the morning but this morning was different.
I got up at 8:30 and was already hungry.
That is unlike me.
Since I wasn't starving to death,
I made coffee
and read Post Secret online as I do every Sunday.

Meanwhile,
I was trying to decide if I should go get something to eat,
you know, like something from the bakery
or Tim Horton's.
Or maybe just cook something for breakfast.
Now I only cook breakfast about three times a year.

Let me see....
If I cooked something,
that means I would also have to clean up and wash pans.
If I went out to get something to eat,
I would have to get dressed,
washed,
comb my hair,
and put on shoes.

Hmmm....
After about an hour and half,
I finally decided to be lazy and cook something.
Then I could eat breakfast in my jammies and slippers
and still lounge around the house for a bit.
So I made breakfast burritos
stuffed with eggs, bacon, onions, and cheese.
Not one, but two!
Like I said, I woke up hungry!
The real beauty was,
I could clean up the kitchen later.

So I let my ferret, Prancer,
run around the house and bug the cats for about an hour.

Then OS called and wanted to haul some stuff to the brush dump.
Then he wanted me to go to Wally World with him
to buy the three year old a toy lawn mower.
We got as far as K-Mart and found one there
and picked up two matchbox cars for him too.
The little guy loved the lawn mower,
but his mouth dropped open when he saw the new matchbox cars!
I stayed to visit a bit,
then went home to wash work clothes and play outside with the dog.

OS and GF had invited us and YS and his family over for dinner.
What a treat that was!
More like a feast it was!
Grilled boneless chicken,
hamburgers, hot dogs,
ceasar salad, dinner rolls,
a fruit bowl with dip,
pickles,
cheesy potatoes,
and coffee or pop!
Chocolate cupcakes for dessert.
Now I am stuffed!

I came home and covered the garden plants
as we are supposed to have frost tonight
and I believe it because it was not all that warm today.
Brought my indoor plants back indoors.
Covered the yellow rose bush
that my friend gave me last year when my gramma died.
It has one bud on it and I didn't want the frost to get it.

Then I cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast,
fed the animals, and sat down to read my e-mail.

I got a letter from my younger brother entitled "New Stuff."
Thinking I would get an update
on what he has been doing and the boys and all,
I was surprised.
He sent me pictures of his two new puppies!
With a note
saying he couldn't decide which puppy to get
so he got two.

One is a boxer mix and one is a St. Bernard mix.
He also said he shouldn't be roaming around alone.
LOL
I wrote him back
saying he is the coolest cuz he takes after his sister.
After all, I have three dogs,
three cats,
two fish
and a ferret.

So two puppies aren't bad.
Never mind they will both get to be at least 80 lbs. apiece!
I wish him luck!

Release Me

2009-05-27T11:45:00.004-04:00

Slowly
Little
by
little
You
Chipped away
At the wall
That surrounded
My heart

Ever so slowly
You encouraged
Me
To trust
You

Over the minutes
and hours
and days
Weeks and
Months
I told you
My
Story

You spoke
The words
I needed
To hear
And you
Encouraged me
To believe
In
Myself

In essence
You encouraged
Me to
Explore
My
Inner being
To look for
And find
What I needed
To
Survive

I was
Ready to
Spread my wings
And
Fly

Yet you
Held me
Back
Time
After
Time

Me
Thinking
You were
the
Wiser One
Stayed

I allowed
You
to
Influence
One of the
Greatest
Decisions in
My Life

Looking back
I would
Have not made it
This far
Without
You
Not where
My heart
Stands

However
I am
Disconcerted
Since
I
Let down
My barriers
Permitting
You
to
Influence me
In the way
That you did

You left
My heart
In
Disarray
My thoughts
in
Mass confusion

And
I am
Standing
Alone
At the
Crossroads
Not knowing
Which way
To travel
On
This road
Of
Existence

For you have
In some way
Clipped my
Wings so that
I can
No longer
Fly
Leaving me
Bewildered
Yearning for
My
Freedom
To soar

Release me
Let me
Be free
To
Fly....

Incoherent

2009-04-23T09:14:00.003-04:00

I have too many conflicting thoughts in my head to write a coherent and organized post that would make any sense to anyone but me.

I want to write about the beautiful colors of spring that bring joy to me even when the weather is at its worst for this time of year.
It can rain, snow, sleet, and hail now,
but nothing takes away the colors that Mother Nature is painting for me to bask in.

I really need more "alone" time if that is at all possible when you have family.
Everyone needs something and because you go by the name of Mom,
adding to the mixture of being married (whatever!),
it somehow gives my people the idea that I am always on call.
Oh wait, I am always on call.
And people are always calling me.
Including work-which is a whole nother chapter right now, believe me!

I am thinking that I,
the Mom and wife here,
should be automatically declared
(legally and otherwise) Head of Household.
I solve things, clean up, make peace and try to keep it,
designate, lend money, donate money,
besides acting as nurse, psychologist, legal aide to others, unfortunately not to myself,
taxi, delivery, teacher, mediator, wage earner
and the list goes on and on.

Unfortunately, I do all this with seeming ease,
like it all comes natural to me,
so when I blow up or have a complete meltdown, people act like I have committed the ultimate sin.

But things are good with me and the all the kids and grandkids
so I guess I can't complain.
Just so they all keep in mind that I am only human.

I guess what I am missing is the days off I used to have by myself.
You know, no children, no husband here, for a whole ten hours,
just peace and quiet.
They come so few and far between now,
that by the time I get a day to myself,
I use it to catch up on housework t
o ease my guilty conscience
and if I have time, I sleep.
Eating is optional.

And I am so tired and confused with all these thoughts and ideas running through my brain.
I woke up today and felt like I had never gone to bed.
I was just as tired as I was last night
before I gave in to my pillow
who had been calling me for hours.

There is mega stress between me and a co-worker right now.
I am trying to get this issue resolved
because no matter how well one handles stress,
it is an exhausting and time consuming emotion
that I do not have the time and energy for.

I could so easily be depressed right now,
but I REFUSE to go there.
I could so easily go back to bed right now
but I CANNOT go there.
I could so easily stay home from work today,
but I MUST go there.
And soon.

Hasta la vista

Searching

2009-04-03T22:35:00.002-04:00

When I look deep into the darkness
I see
many facets that I have hidden
From me and you and them.

I see all my biggest fears
That I could not face

My greatest love in all the world
That would never be recognized.

All my dirty little secrets
All the consuming jealousy
That I never revealed.

Where my fondest hope was lost
And never retrieved.

Where my greatest dream
Never came to light.

As I go deeper into the abyss of darkness
I see
The real pain I felt
When I said it didn’t matter

When it really did.

I see
All the hidden anger
When I kept quiet all those years

I see
The guilt
That I kept hidden

Desperately seeking
Answers to my question
Why?

The air is getting thin
Down here
My breathing has become
Shallow.

Frantically
Needing oxygen
And light

I search my way
Toward the sun

Coming up from
The tunnel of
Darkness

It gradually begins
To get lighter
My breathing is easier

As I emerge from
The deep dark place
Reaching my hand
Toward the light

Someone grasps my hand
Speeding me to the top

Until I stand in broad
Daylight
Looking at you.

Realizing That
You
Have
Saved
Me
Once again.

Getting to know you

2009-03-28T21:57:00.002-04:00

Have you ever been good friends with somebody,
only to have them do something that makes you stop and wonder?

They tell you stuff and you tell them stuff, and while you don't always agree on everything, you think you know them pretty well.

Here you are toodling along in life
(or maybe it's tooling along if you happen to Orginally be from PA :))
sharing with each other your opinions on big and little things,
sharing a couple of secrets between the two of you
and you think you know them pretty well.

Then they go and do something without you and never say anything to you.

Let's say it is bowling for example.
You both like to bowl so you both go bowling with a group of friends regularly.
Now let's say you find out your friend and some of the group, plus a few other of their friends, and went bowling regularly but didn't ask you.

Not one of them mentioned it.
You found out from someone else.

Your first thought is,
why didn't they include me?
It's not like you didn't know everyone
and had previously bowled with many of them.

Then you wonder,
did you offend your friend in some way?
Cuz, like your friend sure didn't seem offended by anything lately.

Then you begin to wonder
if maybe in some way
you did something that bugged them.
Not to say your friend can't do anything without you
and you get paranoid about it.
But bowling of all things!

Then you begin to wonder
how long they all have been bowling together
without asking you.

Wouldn't that kind of hurt your feelings?
Or maybe you are being too sensitive.
Should you ask them what's up?
Or just let it go?
Does it really matter?

Then maybe you snoop around a little,
asking a few questions here and there
and it seems maybe they are hiding stuff from you.
That starts up that Trust word again.
You wonder if you really know them at all.

Cuz,
like,
what you gave your friend was
who you were.
But now it seems
what your friend gave you,
wasn't exactly who they were.
So you think,
I could ask them.
But that is kind of ballsy.
Then you start to wonder.
Should you back off?
Should you ask?
Should you pretend nothing happened?

Or just shoot yourself in the foot to give yourself something else to concentrate on?

Signs of Spring

2009-03-18T07:48:00.005-04:00

I resisted the urge to just post Happy St. Patrick's Day here yesterday as Walker wants me to post something "real".
LOL
What?
My Fat Tuesday post was fake? :)

I know it is very early in the year to use the S word, but there have been some signs of Spring in the 'burg.

The very first sign around the 'burg was the smell of Pepe le Pew.
Ewwww!

Another sign was I saw a dead coyote on my way to work.
It had been hit by a car apparently.
I know coyotes live in this area; I just didn't realize they were this close to my house.
It's not like I live in the black woods of the 'burg here.

I saw a turkey crossing the road the other morning on my way to work.

There have been large gatherings of birds in the trees at night gossiping about their day.

My daffodills are poking out of the ground, as are the tulips.

My dog, Foxy, has turned into a chunky monkey over the winter and it is not just her winter fur.

In other news:

Codeman got his first pair of shoes as he is about to walk in another month or so.
The only trouble is, now he is more interested in the strange new things on his feet than he is in taking a step.

Magill, who will turn eleven in May, said to me the other day:
"You are so fun to hang out with!
We should hang out this summer.
We could be ladies together-you know, go out to lunch, go tanning, get our nails done!"

Lunch?
Ten bucks.

Tanning?
Seven fifty.

Nails done?
Thirty dollars.

Having a granddaughter that thinks you are cool to hang out with?

Priceless!

MG

2009-02-24T13:40:00.003-05:00

You know what today is, don't you?

Happy Mardi Gras!

STEELERS!!!

2009-02-03T09:40:00.003-05:00

ATTITUDE.
TEAMWORK.
EXPERIENCE.

STEELERS!!!!

....or maybe it was just a 'burg thing.....

Party On!!

2009-01-18T22:20:00.003-05:00

They be PARTYING in PITTSBURGH tonite!!!!

STEELER NATION RISES AGAIN!!

Awaken

2009-01-13T15:27:00.003-05:00

I am walking free
Freedom colors my soul
Free
of what people think

Free
And
Alone
For the very first time
Since the freedom of my childhood
When we lived every day to the fullest
And had no worries of tomorrow.

I awakened into
Fantasy
Delight flooding
My entire being.

Free to explore,
without dicipline
or restraint,
My deepest
Darkess
Fantasy.

I awoke to the brutal
and revealing
Light of
Reality.

The one where
She bangs her head
Against the wall
Repeatedly
Saying,
You are so pathetic!

Until
She falls to the floor
Her brains
Slowly seeping
Into
The Cracks.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T16:06:00.004-05:00

May you find peace this christmas

Look on the bright side

2008-12-08T10:55:00.003-05:00

So what has been happening in my world the last seven days?
Let's see...

YS is hosting Christmas at his place this year.
He likes having family over especially for the holidays.
It may be a tight fit but it will be fun!

I usually have Christmas
but it is exhausting working at the store
and trying to get everything ready here,
plus shop for the holidays.
I am looking forward to going over to YS place for Christmas!

There is a big shakedown going on at work.
We have a new store manager.
It happens to be the same one
that was there when I left to go to school.
I have very little respect for this guy
as he is sneaky in his ways.

At first I was very upset by this.
After thinking about it
I figured what the heck
it is not like I have to deal one on one with him
all the time.
I will just go about my business as usual.
HA! very funny!

I have been back at the store for two years now
and not once
have they messed up my paycheck.
Friday when I got my paycheck they goofed
not once
but twice!!

Happy Day!
That means I have to go to the office
and have the guy I don't like (I will refer to him as FF)
fix it so I can get it straight for next week.
No problem
but so much for avoiding him.

Two days later
he comes to the counter
as a customer
and wants a package of rolls
divided up.
It is difficult being pleasant
when your stomach is churning.
I did fine.

The thing is
I have worked for him before.
So I know how he is.
I know what he expects done.
And if it isn't he will want to know why.
Running out of time on your shift doesn't
exactly cut it with him.

I hear that he is only there until the end of January.
I will believe that when it happens.

Plus one of our other stores are closing.
This means our store will be getting an influx
of people that have a lot of seniority.
Meaning that many of the full timers will get bumped.
Department managers all the way down the line.
It is a possibility,
since I am low on the totem pole,
that I may end up with donut shifts.
Four a.m.
(Insert hysterical laughter here.)
I have trouble getting there at 8:30 a.m. sometimes!

I could do it
if they didn't mess around with your shifts.
But it wouldn't be just four a.m. all the time.
In the same week, you could be 4 a.m. to 9 a.m.,
somtimes it is 4 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.,
somtimes 8:30 to 5,
sometimes 7:30 to 4
all in the same week.

I don't like people messing with my sleep.
I end up overtired and getting sick.
Usually bronchitus.
Then I am broke from missing work
and going to the doctor
and the department scrambles for
help.

So meanwhile
I have submitted a resume
for a county job that has come up
and am considering putting in
another one for a local college
for library assistant.
The only thing is about the L. Asssistant job
is that they want two years experience in library
and they are kind of particular
so I may not get it.
But it doesn't hurt to try.

As far as the county job
is concerned
I am well qualified
but so are a lot of people
so we will wait and see.
I am not getting my hopes up.
But I will jump on it
if they contact me.

And I remind myself
in this bad economy
that at least
I have a job.
I am trying to be positive about the whole thing!

Busy Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T21:36:00.002-05:00

It was snowing on that Thanksgiving Eve morning.
I wondered if we would be able to travel
after I got out of work at five that evening.
Several area counties,
including some across the state line,
were under a winter snow storm warning or watch.

So it was a great relief to me
when YS offered us
his four-wheel drive to take on our trip.
We would be gone for three days
and who knew what the weather would be
that night
and on our way home on Saturday.

By the time I left work the snow had stopped,
so we packed up our bags
and Magill and the dog,
and left.

Magill informed me that she had forgotten her pj’s
but was certain that her cousins had some she could wear.

Thank goodness the roads were clear
and it wasn’t snowing.
There was snow,
just not on the roads.

As we got nearer to my daughter’s house,
the snow was less and less.
Turns out they didn’t have any snow at all.
Cold?
Yes.
Snow?
No.

Now they don’t smoke
so those of us that do
have to smoke outside.
That was fine with me.
With five kids and two dogs in the house
plus five grown-ups in and out
There was quiet outside.
You didn’t notice the cold.

This is not to say I didn’t enjoy
every single minute I was there.
I did!
It is not often I get to spend any time
with all five of my grandchildren at the same time.

One night we played a game.
Scene It.
I have never played it before.
It must have the movie, TV version of it.
Now I don’t watch a whole lot of TV
or see a lot of movies.

But the middle granddaughter,
who is nine,
thought I would be a good partner.

The poor thing.

She just didn’t know what she was in for.
I only knew the answer to one question,
and it wasn’t even hers!

So when Magill won,
she wanted the rest of the kids to play
until they won.
And the one I was partner to says,
I want Magill to be my partner now.
Gramma sucks!
As I burst into laughter along with the other grandchildren
She realized what she had just said.
Her eyes got big and round
and very seriously says,
No offense Gramma!!!
I laughed and told her none taken.
I really was bad!

My son-in-law is a most excellent cook.
He cooked the whole Thanksgiving dinner!
He always does.
I especially think it is cool
Cuz then my daughter and I can sit and gab.

We had a wonderful dinner
And a wonderful time there.
We got to go shopping
Minus the kids
So I could get a few Christmas presents bought.
I also bought two books for me,
And my daughter found an awesome shell pendant
That I bought.

We ate a lot of good food
And I took a lot of good pictures!

The funny thing is
I have only been home two days
And I miss them!!

But I will spend a day with them
Shortly before Christmas.
I am looking forward to that!

Spoil Me

2008-11-18T10:47:00.003-05:00

Maybe I am spoiled.
But I don't think so.

This morning when I got up,
I opened the hopper to the pellet stove.
As usual when I get up,
the stove needs another bag of pellets.
As usual when I get up,
there isn't any up here.

So down I go into the basement
to haul a 40 pound bag of pellets
across the basement,
up the stairs,
through the kitchen,
through the dining room
and over to the pellet stove to load it.

I am resentful because I live with all guys.
OS and him.
Now why can't they
bring up three or four bags
so we have extra up here when we need them?

It is because they know I can do it.
I don't have any trouble carrying a 40 pound bag upstairs.
I just don't think I should have to.
I think the guys should do it.
I think out of some kind of respect for me they should do it.
I don't know.
Maybe I am wrong.

I do have it easier than I used to.
So really I guess I shouldn't complain.
It used to be a wood stove.
If I woke up in the morning
and the rack was empty,
I would have to drag a sled
through the yard to the back of the shed
load it with wood
and haul it back
unload it at the back door
and fill up the rack in the dining room.

So, like
I guess
I should be happy
or something
that I don't have to do that anymore.

Like I say,
I am perfectly capable of doing both of these things.
I have always been strong and healthy.
But I would think
out of respect for me
being a wife and mother,
that the guys would do the heavy stuff.

Maybe they think
I will get fat and lazy
if I don't do this or something.

Maybe I should just be happy I have heat.

Or maybe,
just maybe,
I am right about this
and the guys
should take care of me better.
Eh.

Wouldn't that piece of driftwood make an awesome coffee table?!?

Free Thinking

2008-11-17T09:12:00.004-05:00

My Aunt C is getting married shortly after Thanksgiving.
Or not.
Depends on how you look at it.

I love this.
I love it because it is so cool.

Aunt C is 75 years old.
She is a widow.
Has been for two years.
She met this guy quite some time ago
and became friends with him
at the porcelain painting class they both attend.
He has been a widower for seven years.
Since my uncle passed away
these two have become more than just friends
and want to get married.

But Aunt C does not want to lose my uncles social security money.
She says uncle worked hard for that and it shouldn't just go to the government.
I agree with her.
She deserves that money.

This is their plan.
They will get married in the eyes of God
but not in the eyes of the government.
Another words,
a minister will marry them,
but they won't have a marriage license.
She says that all she cares about is being married in the eyes of God.
She will hyphenate her last name.

How cool is that?
How cool is that,
that my 75 year old Aunt
is not doing things by the book
as many people her age would do.
She is doing it her way and loving it!

I have always admired my Aunt C.
I admire her even more for this!

can't you just feel the warm, wet sand beneath your bare feet?!?

My Very Own Beachplace

2008-11-13T21:21:00.004-05:00

Don't you just love this new look on my blog?!

I am so excited about it!

It very much reminds me of a place I like to go to forget the rest of the world.

I hardly ever get to go, but there has never been a time I haven't returned from this place and felt whole again.

Renewed.

Refreshed.

Ready to face the world,
head on.

It is a place where all the tranquility of it weaves me back together,
repairing any rips,
snags,
or outright holes
in the fabric of my life.

Where the sun warms my soul

And the breeze blow any troubles
in the opposite direction.

Where the resounding waves lull me into believing
once again
that the world is an alright place to be
And I can handle it all
with grace.

So when Walker asked me if this was okay for my new background
I am like
OMG, I LOVE IT!!

So thank you Walker for putting this up for me.

It reminds of me a place I go to put myself back together.

Happy Halloween from the 'burg!

2008-11-01T10:45:00.000-04:00

(Click on image to enlarge)

Love

2008-10-23T23:38:00.001-04:00

10/23/2008
11:13:35 PM

There is a dark cloud blocking
The sunlight today
There is a black moon
In the sky tonight

I am surrounded,
Engulfed,
Blanketed
By nothing
But darkness

Darkness has crept
Into my heart
And is turning it to stone
Darkness has seeped
Into my soul
And is slowly
turning it black
The darkness has
Taken over
My mind
I am
Slowly
Going
Insane.

I walk down the street
Alone
All I see is
Sadness
I walk into my house
Alone
All I smell is
Death.
I walk through the forest
Alone
All I smell is
Decay

Darkness
Sadness
Death
Decay.

Love

Has died...

Decayed.

Lost and Found

2008-10-19T00:21:00.001-04:00

Lost Time is Never Found

Have you ever wonder where Lost Time goes?
Have you ever heard of Found Time?
Is there a Lost and Found for Time?
If there is, where is it located?
They have missing persons files.
They have a Lost and Found section in newspapers.
I have never seen an ad for Lost Time.

What does Lost Time mean exactly?
Do we lose Time when we are sleeping?
Maybe we lose it when we are eating.
I know I seem to lose Time when I am working.

Losing Time is not the same thing as not having enough Time.
Or Time ran out.
Time is kind of like money
as in you have to budget your Time
And use it Wisely.

Think of the race between the Hare and the Tortoise.
The Hare wasted his Time
The Tortoise used his Time wisely.

This doesn’t mean we won’t waste Time
Or go over our Time budget.

Sometimes when we go over our Time budget
It costs us sleep.
Sometimes it costs us money.
Sometimes it costs other people money.

Sometimes when we lose time
We aren’t even aware of it.
Sometimes we are well aware of it.

Did you know there are different kinds of time?
That is why we have Time Zones.
Daylight Savings Time.
All the time
Standard Time
Some of the time
Time Trials
Over Time
A long Time
A short Time
Not one time
Story Time
Lunch Time
Break Time
Borrowed Time
A Time to be born
And a Time to die.

And one of my personal favorites:
Party Time!!

We have all lost time
One way or another
But I still have no idea where
Lost Time goes.

So I sat here thinking:
Maybe lost time is stored upstairs with
The Big Guy
For things like
“he only has three months to live”
but he actually lived five months—long enough to see his new grandson.
Yeah,
I think that lost time
is stored up for people who are
Truly deserving of more time
Than their original allotment of Time.

The minute we are born,
we all have a certain allotment of Time.
There is Time we know about
Time we don’t know we have.

So if you know where Lost Time
Really goes—
Take time out
To let me know.

Just maybe I could
Turn it into
Spare Time.

Coming Up for Air

2008-10-15T09:34:00.003-04:00

Just stopping in for a minute to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking.
Spreaking of kicking, work is kicking my butt lately!
I have max hours for this whole month on top of trying to keep up with things around here.
I barely have to time to eat and shit, say nothing about showering and shampooing.
Geez!

Of the two departments I work in, one manager is on vacay till next Monday and the other manager is on vacay for the next two and a half weeks.
That's not bad enough, the store got audited yesterday.
The main department I work in passed, but the other one failed miserably.
The in-charge girl has been working sick all week, and one of their girls disapperared.
No call.
No show.
No answer the phone.
No one at her house.
And no one to fill in for her, cuz everyone's hours are maxed out and we are not allowed OT.
While my department passed the audit, the rest of the store didn't, so the main manager will be getting a bunch of shit from the upper ups, and as we all know,
shit rolls down hill.
Oh happy day!

Our new donut maker is still there (yes! can you believe it?) but is the absolute messiest worker I have ever seen in my life!!
Oh, she cleans up after herself, but the fact is she could be getting so much more done, if she didn't have to spend all that time cleaning!

On top of that, my MIL is STILL in the rehab center, where I am beginning to think she will never get out of there.
She broke her hip AGES ago, and has had one set back after another.
He has finally booked his flight to go out next month and see his mother.
Wooo Hooo!!!
Ten days of peace and quiet around here for me!

Amanda (YS GF) has to go to E today to see her Dad who is in the hospital out there.
He has diabetes and he had an infection in his toe and to make a long story short, he is now in dire pain and was supposed to get all his toes taken off yesterday.
But then they took him to E, because it seems he had a heart attack a week ago, and now they think he has a blood clot near his heart and he has congestive heart failure to boot.
So no surgery yesterday.

This all means that I am babysetting today, so she can go out and be with him.
I have been trying not to babyset this month because work is such a mess, and I have been whupped, but this is beyond anyone's control so I said I would do it.
Amanda lost her mother when she was fourteen, so her Dad is all she has left.
I feel so bad for her.

On top of that one of my cats seems to be missing.
Peaches hasn't been around for the last few days.
She spends a lot of time outdoors, but hey, she usually comes in to eat.
She is spayed and has had her rabies shot so I am not worried about all that.
I just hope someone didn't pick her up and is keeping her in their house.

OS went to court about driving with no license, so now he has to pay $250 fine and $100 to DMV.
I am secretly trying to save up the money to get his fines paid off because he is so BAD at saving money.
I know it sounds awful for me to be helping him out like this, but I am doing it for me really.
I don't want to have to drive him to work in the winter!
So you see, I am really looking out for myself here.

That is about all the time I have for now.
If I hurry I can grab something to eat before I pick up the babies.
And maybe I will be able to get some pics of Codeman (my youngest grandson) while he is awake!
That would be a bonus!

Now You Know

2008-10-02T10:52:00.004-04:00

Do you want to know that I love the smell of Dove body wash?
It smells even better than the soap!

Do you want to know that work is giving me way more hours than usual
And it will continue through the month of October?
The paycheck is good
But I am whupped.

Do you want to know that we hired a new donut maker and her first shifts
Are five days in a row and then the entire weekend too?
Do you think she will last?

Do you want to know that my manager is going on vacation for three weeks in October
And if anyone calls off we are screwed?

Do you want to know that last Saturday
My boss called off for a very stupid reason
And the second in charge girl had no idea what to do?
So I came in and acted as in charge person?
While it is nice to know I still have what it takes
It meant double duty for me.
And overtime.

Do you want to know that when I went to pick up OS
From work last week
That my brakes made a really bad dragging sound
So not only did he fix my brakes
I also got two desperately needed front tires for my car?

Ok.
Well how about this?
Do you want to know that Dot, from Dot;s Thoughts: http://dotmm.blogspot.com/
Has awarded me the Brilliant Blogger Award?
I told her I am not exactly brilliant
But that I could probably wing it.

The purpose of the prize is to promote as many blogs as possible in the blogosphere. The rules are:
1. Put the logo on your blog;
2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you;
3. Nominate 7 (minimum 5) other blogs;
4. Add links to them on your blog.
5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blogs.

Now I read a lot of blogs, even comment on a few.

The ones I am linked to, well some of their blogs don’t exist anymore.

Here are three that I read a lot, but they may have already received this award.

Anonymous Boxer: http://anonymousboxer.blogspot.com/

Walker: http://losthearandbeyond.blogspot.com/

BusyBusyBusy: http://busygirlsboys.blogspot.com/

Do you want to know that in West Virginia
It is a felony to fart at a cop?
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/25/national/main4477252.shtml?source=RSSattr=HOME_4477252

Just wanted you to know that what you do in West Virginia doesn't stay in West Viriginia!
Sometimes it makes the news!

Just leaving you with a little humor!

While I think it is funny, I am sure the guy charged with the felony didn’t think so!

Weekend

2008-09-15T12:55:00.002-04:00

Friday when I walked into the store, our florist had a small table set up with various kinds of cactus.
I instantly spied one that I really liked.
Since it was payday, and almost my birthday, I decided it would be okay for me to buy myself a present.
The little cactus tree thingie I bought is now setting nicely on my table, patiently waiting for me to get a bigger clay pot to put it in.
Of course I couldn't get the darn thing home without getting a cactus needle imbeded in my finger!
This thing is loaded with them!

I had to work on my actual birthday, but we had fun anyways.
My evil twin bought me a small birthday cake in the morning
and announced over the pa system that it was my birthday.
She had written on it Happy Birthday (insert my nickname here)
that only three people are allowed to call me that.
We happily munched on cake all day and invited other depts. to come join us.

I went out to dinner in a very nice restaurant and had shrimp, shrimp, and more shrimp, along with biscuts, potato, ceasar salad, linguine, seafood stuffed mushrooms, and two Berry Sangrias.
Yes, I happily waddled out of the restaurant feeing like a stuffed toad!!

Sunday night we were under a high wind warning until 4 a.m.
As OS and I sat there listening to the branches fall on the roof, we decided we had better let the outside dogs in.
Then I decided that if they were to spend the night having the run of the house, they had better have baths first.
I am a glutton for punishment.

The first dog to get a bath, Callie, was easy.
She is lightweight and petite.
I soaped her up twice and in fifteen minutes she was done.

The second dog, Rocky, was like bathing a pony in the tub.
Just to get her fur wet all the way through took fifteen minutes.
By the time I got her bathed and toweled dry, I was soak and wet.

I decided I needed a break before Foxy got her bath.
She is easy enough to bath and she wasn't all that dirty.
She is the house dog and just had a bath last week.
I sat down and had a beer while I watched a little TV.
The whole time, Foxy, kept eyeing me, like she knew she was next.

By the time I was done with the dogs and cleaned up the bathroom and toweled down everything in there, it was time for another beer.

Luckily we didn't lose power, although there were a couple times when I was bathing the dogs that I thought we were going to.

And that was my weekend.
How was yours?

Controversy

2008-09-12T11:52:00.003-04:00

One of the girls from the bakery is moving to Florida with her boyfriend.
That leaves one opening.

At first I heard that we were hiring two new people.
Why two?
They figure one will quit.
Ok.

So we are in need of someone who will do the donut shift.
We have one girl who is on donuts most of the time.
The thing is, we can all do the donut shift, it is just that none of us are willing to do that shift.

If it was just the 4-8,9, or 12:30 all the time that would be okay.
But they like to mess with you and put you on 7-3 or4 or 8-5 with a few 4 a.m.'s in between.
So none of us want to do that.

I was thinking with M leaving I will have a good chance at being second in charge.
B techically would be 2nd in charge, but we know she wouldn't want it.
For one thing, you don't get any extra pay for it.
With M leaving it would also up my senority in my department.

Then
THEN
I find out that JN is taking M's place.
She is the one I worked with in the deli.
Does anyone see sparks flying here yet?!?
She is the one I went to the store manager and told him I could not stand working with her because she doesn't help anyone for any reason, no matter what.
She is now a cashier.

Now I have heard through the grapevine, (which I believe is true, as we haven't hired anyone)
that JN is being transferred to bakery.
That shoots my senority.
I am pretty sure it shoots my second in charge.
In fact, it blows up everything cuz I still do not like working with her.

Don't get me wrong.
She is okay to talk to.
She insists on taking break with me when we both work.
She is okay as a person, but not so hot as a co-worker.
The only thing she has going for her is she hardly ever calls in sick.
Which is good.
But I really, really don't want to work with her.

This could get interesting.
I have seventeen years total in deli and bakery.
I know what I am doing.
I don't need a kid coming into my territory with more senority than me (I lost mine when I quit to go to school)
but who knows less about bakery than the rest of us.
I am already bugged out by it.
The only thing I can hope for is she won't be scheduled on the same days I work.
Yeah, like that will happen.

I never heard from the cafe one way or another.
And they still have not opened.
I have no idea what is going on there.
I am not even sure if I would take the job.
But it is looking better and better!

Connecting

2008-09-05T21:23:00.003-04:00

Isn't Life ironic sometimes?

On Sunday I am attending a 100th birthday party for my Great-Aunt.

I also have to go to memorial service for a friend, who was also a former co-worker, who was 75 years old.

The 75 year old woman was my friend, "Merle".
When I first started at the store almost twenty years ago, Merle and Lilah were my first friends I made at work.
Merle was transferred to another store about five years after I started and Lilah was transferred about 12 years after I started.

The funny thing is, Merle's daughter came to work at my store and Lilah and I became fast friends with her.

So when Merle passed away, her daughter called me that very same evening.
After comforting her, I hung up the phone and immediately thought of Lilah.
I wish I had some way of contacting her.
She would want to know.
I wasn't sure what store she was at or even her husband's name so I could look her up in the phone book.
But I couldn't get her out of my mind because she would want to know.

Two days later, I had to meet my mom and siblings at the bank.
Now here's the thing:
My mom swears she told me before, like a few months ago, and I swear she didn't.
Anyhow, she says to meet her at the NWS Bank.

Where exactly is that?

Down by Wal-Mart.

Okay, I will find it.

There are only about five banks within a quarter of mile in that area, but that's okay, there is only one that is NWS Bank, so it shouldn't be a problem.
I had a feeling it was on the opposite side of the street from Wal-mart for some reason.

I am driving along looking for signs of NWS Bank as I passed Wal-mart.
Okay, maybe it is passed Wal-mart.
I turn around at Tractor Supply cuz I know it isn't down any farther than that.
So I s-l-o-w-l-y drive up the street looking on both sides very carefully.
I get up by a restaurant that has a big parking lot.
I turn in there and ask the waitress where the NWS Bank is.
Right next to the hamburger joint on the other side of the street.

After thanking them for the directions, I look up, and there is Lilah at one of the tables!
I can hardly believe it!
I walk over and said hi to her and she gives me a big hug and tells me how sorry she is to hear that Merle passed away.
She is going to the memorial on Sunday.

Of course I was the last one of my siblings to arrive at the bank.
I figure I was meant to get lost so I could find Lilah.

But then again, the sign on the banks says JS Bank in great big letters
and in little small letters underneath is says
"A division of NWS Bank".

No freakin' wonder I couldn't find it!
My mom says she told me that when she talked to me the first time.
Uh-huh.

But that's okay.
Cuz I found Lilah.

Cook or Clean?

2008-08-28T12:59:00.006-04:00

Due to the general chaos of things around here, dinner has been cancelled.

Whaddya mean dinner is cancelled?
What am I supposed to do for dinner?

I don't know.
Go to your mother's and eat.

My mother lives 3,000 miles away!

Yes, and if you hop a plane right now, you will get there just in time for their dinner!
Now, stop fussing and go set down in the living room and watch t.v.
At least that room is clean and clutter free.

You call this clean?
There is dirt all over the place!

What are you talking about?
OMG, the ferret has been digging in my plants all afternoon!
No matter what I do I can't seem to keep this place clean.

Maybe if you kept your ferret locked up in her cage?

I can't do that!
How would you like to be locked up in a cage 24 hours a day?

Hey, at least the ferret gets dinner!
And her cage is cleaner than the rest of the house.

Call pizza delivery if you want dinner.

And eat standing up?
You have magazines piled in all the chairs.

Well, we could go out and eat.

Oh alright!
Now what did I do with my keys?

I saw the ferret running off with them a while ago.

Why didn't you say something?

I didn't figure you would need them.
I thought you were going to your mother's to eat.

I told you my mother lives 3,ooo miles away.

There is a reason for that.

Don't start on me.
I am hungry!
Starving!

If you are that hungry, help yourself to the ferret's dinner.
She won't mind.
I have to go finish cleaning...

The first evening

2008-08-13T22:20:00.003-04:00

I woke up feeling out of sorts today.
I am not sure why.
After work today, I start vacation!

I should be all excited.

Maybe I feel out of sorts because this is the first paid vacation I have had in almost five years.

Now let me explain.

For 15 years I worked my ass off 40 hours a week, so when I got vacation, I felt the need for one.
Now I work about 24 hours a week and here I am about to have a week's paid vacation
and I am thinking

Big deal

I am not whupped.

I don't feel like I need one really.

But anyhow, by the end of the day I was really beginning to think how cool a vacation may be.

Let me tell you something.

He is taking vacation starting Friday.

That could be part of it.

As soon as I get home, I can see everyone is pissed off about something.
I pull in the driveway
and he is leaning against his truck
looking at YS Blazer.

He had been working on it with OS.

He wasn't exactly smiling either.

Far be it from me to say anything so I just walk past him into the house where he follows me in and I tell him he looks tired.

Duh! Why can't I keep my mouth shut?
Why?

So he whines his way back outside, (to stare at the Blazer no doubt)
when OS starts in about working on YS Blazer
and finishes with the fact that he doesn't have any clean socks!

Oh, happy vacation!

Any more of this and I am going back to work tomorrow, dammit!!

No, I am not gonna play maid!

No, I am not gonna listen to you whine!

Definitely not going to play the peacemaker this time!

No comprende englis when you say you have to do it all!

Screw that!

Ohhhh, this could get interesting!
Him and me on vacation!
Oh, happy day.

Not.

While the whole time my brain is telling me exactly how stupid I am to even think about telling him when I was taking vacation!

Some people just don't learn. (I am one of them apparently.)

So after a supper cut short to avoid a blowup, I clean up the kitchen and all is quiet. (Because he is sleeping in the chair.)

So I have a good long conversation by phone with my daughter and I feel more relaxed.

I get to bed about 12:30 and am almost asleep, when I hear a noise that I just can't identify.

Sounds something like a bear when it tips over metal garbage cans.
Do they still make those things?!
No one around here has any.
This starts the dogs going.
I am not getting up to see what it is, thanks.
Hmmm.
The dogs are really going at it now.
I open my eyes and see flashing white lights.
For real.
This brings me flying out of bed and by the time I hit the dining room there are red, blue, and white flashing lights all up and down the street.
Dude!
We have action!
In order to get the best view of what is going on, I stand on the couch and look out the window.
Seems a vehicle hit a pole and turned on its side.
This was two doors down from me.
I stand there long enough to see that no one is hurt, the pole is still standing, the emergency vehicles are leaving, and it wasn't any of my kids.

I go back to bed.
Where my back muscles start hurting and I cannot get comfortable no matter what position I lay in.
I lay there thinking I will fall asleep sooner or later.
At 3:00 a.m. I am up getting some pain relievers.
I must have fallen asleep sometime around 3:30.

Is this any way to start a vacation?!!?
I think not!
I hope it gets better from here on in.
Let me change that last line.
It will get better, dammit!!

Cafe News

2008-08-10T11:26:00.002-04:00

A while back I applied for a job at a new cafe that is opening in our village.
After waiting and waiting for the interview she promised, I had almost given up.
I say almost, because it is a brand-new place and I know all about delays and such.
So on Friday, she calls and we set up an interview for Monday night!
I am excited about the interview!
I am also nervous.
Not about the interview.
Heck, I've done so many of those in my life, they don't make me nervous.
I am wondering if this would be a good move for me IF I get hired.
After all, it is a new business and I have seen my share of new businesses coming and going in this area.
One good thing, it would get me out of the place I am in now.
You never know if you don't try, right?
So this is my plan.
I am hoping to get hired at the new place if it is full-time.
She had told me when I filled out the application that I would more than likely get full-time.
If it's part-time, I may just keep the job I have or possibly see if I can work both until I see which one I like better.
I am thinking I would like to help in the kitchen area.
I like working behind the scenes.
We will see what happens.

So I am really excited and curious as to what the interview will hold for me!
Wish me luck!

Nada

2008-08-05T11:26:00.002-04:00

Do you see any pictures of fish here?

No?

I didn't think so.

That is because I didn't catch any.
I had some hits, but no fish.
I had fun fishing for the most part.

One thing that is clear to me is-
I am not a boat person.
I am just not a boat person and I will never be.
I have given it my best shot.
Ain't gonna happen.
It is kind of funny in a way, all my kids like boats.
It doesn't bother them to go out on the water.
They could be there all day.
Not me.
The farther away from land I get the more uncomfortable I am.
So no more boating for me.
It doesn't bother me any.
It wasn't me that wanted a boat.
The more boating he does, the more time I have to myself to do my thing.

I did love being outside all that time
and it did wonders for my tan! LOL

Saturday we went to the harbour and fished off the pier.
This little girl was walking the pier with her grampa.
She sat on a bench near me and was happily chatting away,
when she looked in the water and said:

Grampa
I think I see a seahorse down there.
So Grampa dutifully looks down in the water.
And the little girl said matter of factly:
That can't be a seahorse.
They live in saltwater.
Right, Grampa?
What kind of water is this?
So Grampa told her it was freshwater.

Someone has been teaching that little girl some facts.
She couldn't have been more than four.
It reminds me of when Magill was around that age.
She had/has a fascination with dinosaurs and can name more than
I can count.

So anyhow, fishing was relaxing and that is what it is all about I guess.
So I got all relaxed and proved a point.
Well, maybe more than one point.
I am not much of a fisherman.
And I defintely
am not
a boat person!

Once Again

2008-07-31T11:38:00.002-04:00

I wasn't scheduled very many hours this week, so I thought I would have some "me" time.
You know, one whole day off to myself.
It doesn't look like that is going to happen.
One of the days, I babysat and had an appointment.
No biggie.

The next day that I had off, I thought for sure I would have the day to myself.
I even got up early.
I had energy!
But then....
OS was sick as a dog, so he stayed home from work.

Today, I have to myself, or what is left of it.
I gave up on getting up early because every time that I did,
I didn't have the day to myself.
I am very protective of "me" time, it is so few and far between.
Can you tell? LOL
So today, I slept in.
10:15 I got up.
Took the dogs out.
Not a whole lot of energy.
Cancelled my 2 p.m. appointment.
Took some Advil.
Cleaned the bathroom wall that I missed yesterday.

Not a whole lot of "me" time left of the day
cuz he gets out of work at 1 p.m.

But, if things go according to plan,
(wouldn't that be a pleasant change?)
I am going fishing on the lake.

I really really don't like boats.
I wished I did.
But, I really really like to fish.
The only opportunity I have to do that is to go out on the boat.
So, I am going to be brave and go.
With a life jacket securely strapped to my body.
And I am going to fish.
Maybe I will even catch something!
If it is a fish that I can eat, I will take a picture of it to show you all.
Unless the dog gets it before I get home.
Oh yes, I take my dog, Foxy, with me.
Maybe I should set her up with a fishing pole, too.
She could eat her fish, and leave mine alone.

Alone Again

2008-07-24T21:13:00.001-04:00

Walking in the cool sand down by the sea
Listening to the rhythm of the gentle waves
The wind blowing through my hair
I am alone and lonely
Just following the shoreline
With no destination in particular.
It doesn’t matter where I am going
I always end up in the same place
Alone and lonely.

Goings on in the 'burg

2008-07-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

Shh.....
be very, very quiet....

I think I FINALLY have some time to blog!

But don't tell anyone.

I mean, seriously.
If anyone in the whole world finds out I might have one freaking minute to myself,
one tiny minute that I am not sleeping,
eating on the run,
or taking a poop,
they will surely find me something to do that will last weeks!
Maybe even months!!!

So....
Sshh.....

Okay, here we go.
I have a new grandson!!
Oh yeah! He is, of course, precious!!
He was born Thursday evening.
Now I must make a correction cuz Walker and I were talking Thursday night and he asked me how many grandkids I have now, and I told him 7!
Truth is, I have eight now.
I don't know why I told him seven.
Maybe it was late.
Maybe I was tired.
Maybe I smoked too much 'tweed. (lol)
But, really people, I have eight.

And NO
I did NOT give birth to rabbits or bunnies or whatever.
Walker just said that cuz he has never seen pics of my children.
Let me assure you.
They are all, everyone of them, absolutely beautiful, like me!
No, I don't look like a rabbit.
But thanks for asking. LOL

Now, my MIL and FIL left last Friday after being here for three weeks.
Yes, folks, it is half the summer.
I always longed for the day they wouldn't come back here, like they do every year.
This was it.
Their last year.
MIL, who is a whole different, funny person when FIL isn't around is becoming very feeble.
I feel bad as FIL says she has failed a lot in the last six months.
Anyhow, they left to go back to California last Friday.
They had a great trip back, no problems.
Sunday night comes around and FIL calls.
MIL fell and broke her hip.
FIL had gone to church and he called home to check on her and no answer.
So he hurried home and found her on the floor.
Good thing church isn't that far away.
FIL said they were going to operate today,
but then called tonight
and they had to give MIL a pint of blood,
and there were a few other things going on with her,
so they will operate tomorrow at 3 or 6,
depending on which end of the 48 you live on.

I am soo sick of my job at the bakery that I could scream.
I have come to the realization that if I don't find something else, I will just walk out the door and burn my bridges.
I don't many bridges when it comes to jobs in this area.
You never know who you will meet down the road.

But there is a new cafe opening very near where I live
so I put in application there tonight.
She figured they would open in a month.
She liked my application and resume
and had worked for the same company I am working for at one time.
And like me, she quit and went back later.
She told me she would call me next week, and interview me.
She asked me if I would prefer full-time or part-time.
I told her full-time, but I would take part-time if I had to.
Full time starts at six a.m. until two-thirty p.m.
I told her that was my hours in the bakery when I worked full time!
She thought that was great!
So maybe, just maybe, I can escape from the store once and for all!

Oh, and one other thing!
I could never do anything without my children finding out about it, I swear!
My daughter calls:
"Mom, I dreamed your boyfriend came to your door last night."
I am about to ask which boyfriend, when she names him.
I say:
"Yeah? The funny thing is I ran into him at Home Depot (for real, Walker, I am not joking! The Home Depot!!) and hugged him!
This was a week or two ago!

So you see?
Even if I wanted to?
I couldn't get away with much.

Come Dream with Me

2008-07-16T23:13:00.001-04:00

Take my hand
Come dream with me
We will go to a place
Down by the sea…..

A place where we can be together….

An open place
Where there are no boundaries.
No lines are crossed.
No guilt is felt.
No one is hurt.

I made this place for you
For you and me.
For us.

A place where trust
Is never broken
A place where hearts
Have not been shattered
A place we can let go of
Our inhibitions.

Our silent rules that we
Set up for ourselves
Are gone like dust particles
When the breeze blows through
The open window.

Where we have our own private fireworks
On the open beach
Go skinny-dipping in the moonlight
Build a bonfire of driftwood
Wrapping up in our beach blanket
Falling asleep in each other’s arms
Waking to the sunlight warming our backs.

Take my hand,
Come dream with me
I made this place
For you and me.

Foxy and the Garden Critters

2008-06-25T12:54:00.003-04:00

We have woodchucks that live in the backyards of the three of us neighbor people.
And rabbits, too.
The first thing the woodchucks do is to eat my broccoli and cauliflower plants.
They do not care how expensive it is to buy these things at the store.
They get them for free.
At my expense.
Which pisses me off.
Big time.

So I decided that this year I was going to teach my dog, Foxy, to hunt them down.
The woodchucks that is.
The rabbits don't bother me too much.
We put up a fence around our garden and the rabbits don't bother it.
This year, we put up a fence and curled in the undersides and weighed it down with bricks.
So far, so good.
The chucks haven't bothered it.

But as summer wanes on and the squash ripen, I know the chucks will be getting fat and happy off of my squash.

This where Foxy comes in.
Keep in mind that this is the dog I got from a puppy and raised her as a house dog.
With cats.
Sometimes she thinks she is a cat, and sits up on the back of the chairs in the living room like the cats do.
Never mind she looks goofy as shit, cuz she is quite a bit bigger than a cat, and doesn't fit nearly so well up there.

Oh, and one other minor detail.
Foxy is afraid of the ferret and my friend's two little pug dogs.

The first time I sent Foxy after the woodchucks with
"Foxy! Siccum!!! SSSSicum, Foxy!!"
And she ran off the porch passed the other two dogs that were tied up.
Turned around and thought it would be fun to play with them instead.

So I took her out to the garden as the woodchuck was diving into his one of three holes.
I put her on the scent and she got all interested in the scent, followed it to the hole
and proceeded to dig herself halfway into the hole.
I hauled her out.
At least now she had an idea what she was after.
Or should I say, what a chuck smelled like anyhow.

The next time I was about to put her on her tie-out, when I saw a critter and I quickly told her to Sicum and let her fly.
She runs straight to the garden, and the chubby ol'woodchuck decides he better get a move on.
Foxy is closing in on him!
It looks like she will have him for sure!
When she decides to run right past the critter, turning around to block his way.

She stops.
The woodchuck stops.
They look at each other.
The woodchuck throws a paw out at her.
She dodges and away the chuck goes into his hole.

At this point, I don't know whether to laugh or scream from frustration.
I chose to laugh!
It was just to funny!

I have decided that Foxy needs more field time.
Maybe by the end of the summer she will catch on.

The woodchuck still eats the clover in our backyards.
So far he hasn't dug a hole under our garden fence.
I hope Foxy scared him a good deal.

But I am thinking the woodchuck is more foxy than Foxy is!

Clouds and Sunshine

2008-06-19T14:55:00.002-04:00

Today I was all set to write a post about the antics of my 15 month old granddaughter
but first I have some pissed off moments to get out of my system.
As you read yesterday, my cat, Kianna, was found!!
I was very happy.
But there are a few things that bugged me about the whole thing.
The LMM (lawnmower man) next door, knows that my cat runs freely in and out of his garage.
If he knew that she was missing, and he did, why in the heck didn't he look through his whole building to see if she had somehow gotten into a place that is usually locked.
After all, this is what happened to her and she was there for five days with no food and water.

Next on my list is the posters I dropped off at two local stores.
I had asked them if it was okay if they put these posters where their customers could see them and they said it was fine.
So today, not even 48 hours after I had dropped off the posters, I thought it would be the thing to do to go and take them down, since my cat was now safely at home (in the house!)

The first store I stopped at my poster was no where to be found!
The lady working there asked me when I had dropped it off and she had never seen it!
I was pissed!
The second store I went to, my poster was tacked up underneath a poster of the exact same size!
No one could see my poster at all!
Now I was really pissed off!
I took mine down and threw it away.
No one seemed to notice.
Gee, thanks a lot people for all the freaking help!!

Now on to the fun stuff.
I have been babysitting the past couple mornings for YS and his GF while they work.
The little munchkin reminds me so much of my son in the fact that she never quits moving until she falls asleep for her nap.
He was the same way when he was little.
She gets her binky and will lay down and hum to herself.
My son never liked a binky but he was always singing or humming.
He still loves his music!
Today, I put a pair of socks on my granddaughter and she discovered a pair folded up also.
This drove her nuts.
She had a pair on and an identical pair in her hands.
Now what?
She took her socks off and carried around both pair for a bit.
Then she sat in her little chair next to her four-wheeler and tried to hide the socks in the hub of the wheels.
They kept falling out.
Finally she got tired of the socks and set both pair on the end table and ran around barefoot.
I was rinsing things and splashed a bit of water on my face and wiped it off with my shirt.
She stood there and watched me and then came over and grabbed the end of my shirt and proceeded to blow her nose on it!
I cracked up laughing!
She stood there staring at the air conditioner but thankfully couldn't reach the buttons on it.
So she turned around and turned the fan on full blast!
She stood in front of it with the fan blowing her hair and laughed with joy!
It is too cold right now for fans and ac's and I was freezing.
I quickly turned off the fan and got her interested in something else.
When she wants something she points and makes a whiney noise.
We are trying to get her to use words because we know she can, but won't.
She was setting at the table pointing at something and whining.
I had no idea what she wanted and told her she had to tell me what it was.
She started babbling complete sentences, complete with expressions and hand movements.
I still had no idea what she wanted.
When her Dad came home, her whole face lit up and she talked non-stop to him and everytime he left the room for something she would holler out, "Daddy! Daddy? Daddy!" until he came back in the room.
She is a precious little thing with expressions that are priceless.

I love all my grandchildren dearly and would do anything for them.

But it is nice to be able to go home at the end of the day and leave them with their parents.